You might be a nurse: Gross what is growing on you

Yea I have decided that you are a nurse when the weird and strange doesn’t gross you out.  I had this patient that came in with a subcutaneous horn growth on his arm.  He had it there since he was 9.  Looked like a shriveled yellowish gray penis.  Yea I know sick. Here is a pic on a lady’s head.

 

Filet-o-nuts

So I have seen some gross and wild things from being a nurse.  Weirder ones now that I am an ER nurse but this next patient tops them all.  I had a patient that came in with testicular pain.  Which if this is a sudden pain make the patient Emergent because the chance they might be twisted.  Which can lead to many severe problems.  So I mark him Emergent and rush him to the next open room.  We proceed to get more info on him.  Apparently this gentleman of 50 some years old has been suffering from erectile dysfunction.  Because he was so frustrated he decided to try to cut his nuts off.  Right down the seam.  Looks pretty close to the picture above.  You could see his testicles because he cut the sack wide open.  We rushed and got the male doctor.  Who mind you is also a coroner.  (More stories on him later)  He walks in and says dear lord and walks right back out.  Tells the head nurse who is also male to get some wet dressing applied immediately while the surgeon is being called.  The Male nurse is doing this pee pee and kick in the nuts groin dance while being instructed on the dressing needed.  The doctor is still looking a little green while trying to tell the surgeon what this patient has done.  Wild…and is it weird that I wasn’t grossed out?  I was like cool.  While the male population looked at me in their various shades of green.  What?  I didn’t say I didn’t feel bad for him…I did at least shoot him up full of Morphine.

Things that make you go Blarg!

 
So since it’s Halloween and I must try to keep my subjects related to all that is Hallow…let’s talk about something that make you sick, grossed out or just wanna hurl.  That for me would be PDA aka Public display of affection.  I am not talking about the quick peck kisses, hugs or hand holding.  I am talking about the tongue shoved down your loved ones throat.  Really people the middle of the Wal-Mart parking lot isn’t where you need to be making out.  But the worse one yet was a coworker and his other halve fondling each other.  I don’t care if you thought it appeared that she was just grabbing your phone from your pants pocket.  It doesn’t take 5 mins to do that.  I am also pretty sure that it was quite that far over in the pant…Blarg  So for the rest of the world keep your wandering hands and tongues for closed doors!