As the Redneck World turns: Party Poopers

Okay so this episode of redneck world turns brings us to my nieces birthday party.  Nothing funny about this…but I have come to realize that my brother- in-law is an ass.  Wait let me rephrase that.  I knew he was one this just makes him a bigger one.  He never treats his step daughter like a real daughter.  She is always a second class citizen.  I see it all the time when he dotes on his little blood child.  Which is really sad because this child really needs a father figure in her life since her real father is a dead beat.  My sister in law was telling me that all the kids got 50 bucks for their birthday…she got 8 bucks.  What the *&@*.  I mean I know I only gave her 10 bucks but that is really sad that her “father” gave her barely anything.  I really want to hit him with a baseball bat. I mean I knew he treats his woman like shit but a kid?  What is wrong with people.  She’s not dumb. I know she knows he treats her different.  Of course my man says stay out of it.  Though I really wanted to tell him you can buy beer and cigarettes but no gift for this kid?  What a dead beat.  Which leads me to my next complaint.  When you have a birthday party it’s only polite not to smoke while you have guests.  The kids at the party hell his kids don’t need to be around that crap.  That is one of the reasons I left early.  I would have loved to stay and chat to my sister in law since I haven’t seen her in forever but the smog was so bad I had to leave.  Ever since this last cold my lungs cannot tolerate the smoke.  I just hope she realizes I didn’t leave on her account but on his sorry ass for not being considerate.

Let the shit hit the fan

So as I was saying that buying this house has seriously been a nightmare.  But I really wasn’t expecting my neighbors (family member) to join in the fun of it.  Apparently we pissed said neighbor when the surveyor came and place our little stakes in the ground.  He was upset to find out that he didn’t own as far back as he thought.  Well after the nightmare that day that the bank did to us the dealer sent out the contractor to stop by.  That way he could see if there will be anything in the way of placing our home on our land.  For instance we have a building and a barn that they have to pull this monstrosety through.  We the contractor was measuring the driveway to see if there would be enough room.  The asshole   neighbor came flying out of his house along with his one-legged heifer wife.  They started yelling and saying that not one wheel of their truck will touch his land.  Blah blah blah and how he owns most of the driveway.  Which I believe he is full of shit.  So now we have to remove a tree so we can get our house to our land.  WTF.  He would rather kill a tree than harm his grass?  Grass not shrubs, flowers or anything that might get damage.  Grass and btw sand.  Where the drive washes out at the bottom of the hill.   He is such an a-hole aw hell he is the whole flipping ass.  So I thought that would be the end of it.
Nope my father in law went down to try to talk sense into his brother.  Boy that went over like a turd in a punch bowl.  His one-legged heifer  called the cops.  Cried and said that her husband was being beaten up.  Really?  You had to hide behind your woman’s skirt?  Awwww…are we a pussy?    
Anyway my father in law pretty much told the officer of his harassment of the kids, the name calling and the flipping of the bird.   The cop tells him that he might be able to get along with his neighbors better if he stopped acting that way.
So what does he do?  After the cop leaves he takes tent stakes and stake off his land.   And places a tent stake in the drive way.   Now I don’t know about you but I don’t drive with a flipping magnify glass.  Who the hell is going to see that?  My tire which will probably receive a flat.  Hope he like’s purchasing new ones.  After all is said and done he wanted my father in law to shake his hand.  WTF?  Nothing was solved. 
As soon as I got home from the grocery store my father in law had to show me how I need to drive up the drive way from this day forward.  I told my father in law I would try that but in the freaking dark I will never see that stake.  I also told him I plan to sue when it damages my car.  He instructed that I needed to be nice so as I don’t upset him worse.  Who the effin cares.  I don’t.  In fact I am thinking about placing a nice compost pile at the borderline of our property.  Maybe placing a fan to wharf the smell directly to his screened in back porch.   Or hello the dog kennels so they can bark at him the entire time he is working in the garden.  UGH!  But I won’t I still have to live here.  Though I am tempted to call the law every time he drives since I know he is most likely intoxicated.  But if he keeps cat calling my kids while they wait for the bus I am calling the law….oh and the stake now has a bucket over it.  I guess my FIL told him about the lawsuit…it amazes me the comments I hear about this family member and how no likes him.  Yet they still hang around him. 
I figure the water meter will be the next big hurdle.  Since it’s on his piece of land.  I did love my FIL telling him he could get his damn mail box of his land then.

Things that I wonder about to myself

There are days that I really do keep my mouth shut.  Surprising I know but I would love to speak what’s on my mind but I would like to avoid the hospital.  Especially since it’s full.  That’s another blog in itself.   So here goes.  By the way English experts my brain doesn’t always think in correct grammar. 
My wandering mind: Brought to from me but stealing the idea from my sister in law.  Sorry was a good steal. Check her out  click here.
Gym

1. Wow spandex is not your friend
2. Does my butt look like that in those same pants? God I hope not
3. Wow why even wear shorts they look like they are painted on. Wish my ass looked like that.
4. iPad at the gym?  What the heck no wonder why you can’t lose weight.  Get off the chair and iPad and get on the treadmill
5. Omg grandpa just speed walked passed me.  Damn I must be fat and out of shape
6. Ugh really I have only gone .5 miles?  My legs feel like Jell-O
7. I really wanna quit.  I can do this.  That blonde is so fit.  I want to look like that.  Must continue on to no pain no gain…wait I don’t want to gain.  Um No Guts no Glory.  I must have a lot of glory because I sure have a lot of guts.
8. Wow back off on the steroids dude…I mean ma’am
9. Ouch ouch ouch.  I will not say that out loud as I go down the steps.  Oh shit there went my leg.  That would suck to tumble down the stairs.  Great the old lady asked if I was okay.  I was hoping no one saw that.

Work

1. Really?  At 3am it’s an emergency to come in for cold and cough that you have had for 3 days.  Sure whatever.
2. Do you think it’s broke? ~ Ma’am do I look like an x-ray machine?
3. See this?  this rash what is it?  what can I do to make it go away? ~Bathe wow you smell.  Do I look like a doctor?
4. I was here this morning and my child still is sick so I brought them back. ~ What OMG really let’s rush them back.  It’s a cold dumbass it doesn’t disappear after one dose of antibiotics.
5. I know what you need to make you feel better.  Soap and water.  Well at least it would make the rest of the world feel better
6. you stuck what where?
7. Can I leave? I have to go to work. ~well sir had you not chew up a fentanyl patch you could and maybe the ambulance wouldn’t have needed to bring you the to ER tonight because you were dead there for a little while.  But sure by all means go to work and kill your coworker because YOU ARE STILL UNDER THE INFLUENCE…and stupid
8. Smile I love my job I love my job.  It’s illegal to stab you with my pen.  Keep smiling.
9. I really wish you would get off you ass and help.  A few of us are tired of doing it all.
10. I really would like to bathe your kid for you.  Maybe show you how it’s done.
11. yes ma’am I can tell you are really hurting if you don’t get off you iphone I might show you some pain. Gah!
12. Really Dr Dumbass you can swab a kids nose for RSV?  you have to bitch about it while I am taking care of my CRITICAL patient.  Sure let me drop everything and get that for you.

Home

1. Really I married you why?  ~I already have 2 kids
2. Can you run this errand for me?  ~ hell no! so you can nap on your day off while I get one day off and do all the running.  I think not.
3. What can you do to make me happy ? do you not hear me bitching every day?  pick one!
4. eww dog really?  what died in your ass.  Gross, cough, gag blargh
5. What do you have? Gross is that…that’s a used tissue.  What is wrong with you black dog.  Spit it out.
6. I just cleaned this.  Did a tornado touch down in the living room and I missed it?
7. I have 100 channels of nothing on TV.  I think I spend more time flipping than watching.
8. Really no new shows till April?  They need another month off.  Damn I am in the wrong line of work.
9. Can I trade you for another dog please.
10. Yes dear you know all I know nothing.

Starbucks:

1. Dear teen I think your wearing you mom’s sweat pants they are 3 times to big for you.
2. Wow I didn’t know Pretty woman’s boots were real.
3. this music makes me want to kill people
4. I think the barista has had too much coffee or they are hiring people from the insane asylum.
5. No I don’t want your stupid diarrhea whip cream on my coffee.  Yes you will remake it
6. Omg I can see the new Olive Garden sign.  Yes this town is moving up in the redneck world about time
7. Hi nope I have no idea who you are.  You look familiar.  Crap I am getting old.
8. Did I mention my ears are bleeding from this music.  I think they must put this crap on to make you want to leave….sheesh.  Omg There is an old dude dancing to this crap.  Really?

A Picture can say 1000 words and mine aren’t nice

Okay so my picture has words sue me I have to make it easy for my readers.  If I just had the picture you might think dirty things…or that ta da I have an idea…lol

Damaged dog

I think my schnauzer is damaged…as in broke…as in not normal and possibly part redneck. So anytime my man walks into the house he growls at him.  Like he is some new stranger.  Maybe he senses something?  lol Okay that was mean.  Most of the time he does this is when he has a big hat on.  Like his cowboy hat or his hat that a had a wide brim.  I don’t know if that’s it.  He has never been hit with a hat.  So I have no idea what he is thinking.  To make matters worse this dog has a defense mechanism.  If you scare him he farts.  I mean so bad you would think he actually crap somewhere.  What the heck?   The kids find this funny and try to come up with ways to scare the dog to make him fart.  Its great…don’t piss me off dear or I will scare the dog and make him fart.  It stinks bad enough most times to make your eyes water.  Yea I know you really need to know that the family that I live with thinks it’s a great game to see who can make the dog fart first.  Is it sadder that I join in the game?

Happy Birthday Hope you like your gift.

Don't try this at home. You may end up in the ER with a scratched cornea. Just ask my husband. Gave him a scratched cornea for his birthday. Figured he didn't have one.  Hmmm I hope he doesn’t play this up for sex all month…or year.  Sheesh.  I swear it was an accident.

Day of our Redneck lives: Take me to the ER

The entire 10 yrs. that I have been with my hubby he has been to the Dr twice and that’s because I made him the appointment.  He is stubborn and never listens to the nurse in the house.  In fact see here of another episode of Days of our redneck lives.  So when my husband calls to tell me he thinks he needs to go to the ER I listen.  My husband was having tingling down his arm.  So here I am asking the cardiac question wishing I could actually see him.  Don’t feel sweaty~ check, Don’t feel short of breath~ check, no indigestion ~check, no chest pain~check.  So I ask how long has this been going on?  On and off for the last 2 days.  But it’s now apparently worrying him enough to think about the ER.  My husband doesn’t show much pain either.  So when I arrive at his work’s parking lot he appears just fine.  But I go with him to the Dr office.  Why because it doesn’t seem to be cardiac and if I take him to the ER they are going to treat it as such.  And for a man that had never been to the ER that isn’t a diagnosis to arrive to the ER for the first time.  He would be overwhelmed and poked and prodded.

  So we head straight to the doctors office.  They would be opening in 15 mins.  The doctor asks him the same cardiac questions only to conclude that he didn’t think it was cardiac too.  However he wanted to do an EKG.  They did find a delay in his heart but he wasn’t too concerned because it could have been there all his life.  However to be on the safe side he wanted to run a few tests.  Mind you my husband has never in his 42 years ever had any test done.  Other than x-rays.  First he had and EKG.  The nurse decided to dry shave his chest.  The chest hair he always says to me that it took 42 years to grow.  Looks hilarious now.  I got to rip off the EKG stickers…muahah. 

Then he had to have blood drawn.  First for that too…and he jumped.  Which means he is bruised to no end today.  Last is his stress test which is Friday.  I kind of told him some of the things to expect.  But depending on which kind they do he might end up with an IV.  I didn’t want to scare the crap out of him.  I was nice and told him that he will be running on a tread mill.  I also don’t ever recall my man running….ever.  He has to not eat from midnight on.  Not a problem for him since he goes to bed early.

 But the icing on the cake was when the doctor asked about his smoking or drinking history.  No smoking he tells the doctor.  I drink some.  The doctor says some?  Yea 8 beers a day.  The doctor looked a little shocked.  That’s a lot.  Do you ever think you might cut back?  He told him the same crap he tells me.  I quit drinking hard liquor.  He replies back well 2 beers a day is fine 3 is pushing it.  Can you quit.  He tells the doctor probably but I don’t want to.  That’s when the doctor tells him that 8 beers a day classifies him as an alcoholic.  I think that shocked him…because for the last few days he went from 8 to 4.  Which is hard to believe.  Hope its lasts…I will keep you updated on the stress test when we get the results back.

Alcohol: it's what's for dinner

Well apparently some men cannot live without alcohol.  Of course this family always points to other members in the family because they are the “alcoholics” and the accusers are not.  No matter how much education that I have I apparently have no clue what constitutes as an alcoholic.  So blogger buddies…tell me what you think is an alcoholic?  Because I am at my wits end with this family of drunks.  One hides his booze and think no one knows that he drinks.  The other likes to raid his stash to get drink his alcohol or visits each of the family drunks to get his alcohol because heaven forbid he buy it himself. There’s another who’s girlfriend is at fault that why he drinks even more.  Now mind you she is a drunk too because many of us have had to “stop by” and pick her arse up out of the floor because she got too drunk to stand.  Not that she could walk well in the first place.  But the one that chaps my ass the most.  Is the one that doesn’t drink hard liquor.  He drinks at least 6 beers to 9 a day.  Heaven forbid its his day off because he will start at 10am and not figure out why I get pissed that it’s a little to early don’t ya think?  But what do I know?  I only see the drunks in the ER, the causes of too much alcohol over the years, the wonderful people they end up with because the smart people left their ass a long time ago.  So quit bitching that we might leave you and cheat on you.  We won’t be leaving for that reason. We are going to leave you because you cheated on us with alcohol.  You know the thing you can’t live without.  It’s the first thing on your lips in the morning and the last on you way to bed.  We are tired of the beer breath and that can glued to your hand. Sick of you not remembering conversations from the night before or just being plain mean.  We are fed up with your excuses.  Great it tastes good whoop dee do.  I love brownies but I don’t eat a pan of them every night.

Blue tube

ah yes the wonderful, lovable, redneck man in my life. So we upgraded to a pair of droid x phones. And like in my previous posts of trying to teach my man about the wonderful world of technology I feel like I am in an episode of twilight zone. It’s great that he thinks that I have vast knowledge in all that is techno..which I don’t. But when something goes wrong with the phone I am suppose to know what it is and how to fix it. I am glad we got these on my 3 day weekend. I am learning pretty well how to use it. Some glitches along the way. Like I don’t like the fact that it imports all contacts from twitter, fb and phone contacts. It makes my phone book go from 25 to 250. Not fun to scroll thru. So I had to learn how to reorganize them. I have also learned that most things electronic come with shitty instructions and you better know how to surf the net for forums for help. Yea like I could ever see him doing that. Considering he can’t even do the bills. So I learn then try to make it easier for him to understand. (don’t say dumb it down…it offends him which causes mass cussing) Let’s just say I have had 2 migraines caused by him and technology. I would teach him only to have the same questions 2 hours later…grrr I swear I felt like I was beating my head against the wall. He was looking at pictures on someone's wall on fb only to accidently comment in a status update. Causing people to say huh? He couldn’t understand he has an email. text messaging and Facebook. Which are not interchangeable! Kill me…but then he actually got on the phone and called our phone carrier about issues with the network extender box. ALL BY HIMSELF. Finally he understood that sometimes you have to learn on your own. He was so happy that his phone was working he was watching a video on his phone. I asked him what are you watching…oh those videos on blue tube…I just shook my head and grin. Got to love my redneck

Innernet

I really have married a redneck man. My man wanted me to use my email for some crap that he might win. I told him that I didn’t want spam to my email so I create him an email. Well while I was on Facebook he asked me if I he got any thing yet. I said huh? You know on Facebook? No Hun I made you a email account. I know do I have anything yet. I had to explain to him that I made him an email not a Facebook account. So I made him a Facebook account. Well a couple days later he asked if he got any calls. I told him no one had called the house for him. No on Facebook he stated. Um calls? you know from people. Oh you mean messages? Yea whatever...
I had to explain to him that he needed to add friends. Then he asked about he emails. I told him he would have to give his friends his email so that others will email him. I guess he thought poof everyone knows he is on the internet now…lol
then days later when I was making fun of him cause his status still mentioned dreading Christmas and it was weeks passed it. He had my oldest show him how to log on. Then tried to have her update his status. He put hell was finally over. He tried to get the oldest to type it…lol She was telling him no way daddy that’s a bad word…*giggle got to love him!

you might live in a redneck town...

you might live in a redneck town... Current mood: amused
Okay I shouldn’t be amused by others grief but this was hilarious….you might live in a redneck town if…
I was grocery shopping with the girls since school was out due to the snow that melted off the road early this morning. We were leaving and getting ready to get into the turning lane when a truck came zipping by us and this chick was standing in the parking lot. At first I thought he was dropping her off but all of a sudden she proceeded to scream and jump up and down…well I got ready to pull out into the turning lane when she came barreling down the road…screaming like a banshee, with her hands waving up and down. She didn’t even look and ran out into the highway screaming and yelling. I got into the turning lane and she was still in the middle of the road jumping up and down like a kangaroo then zipped across the remaining 2 lanes to the sidewalk…where she then preceded to lie down and kick like a 2 yr old…still screaming that blood curtailing yell. I couldn’t help but watch and chuckle…no guy is worth all that energy. Lol …I think traffic was a little backed up watching her. I think if I was her guy I wouldn’t come back either. I wouldn’t want anyone to know I was with her… ....

Redneck Lawnmower

Okay so the men on this redneck hill are always on lawnmowers…most times to mow in fact they kind of mow in sync. The 4 men of the hill will mow usually the same day. Some one will start up their mower and mow and then everyone else does. Scary i told mejis you can see how our men will age first you have her man, the youngest balding with a gut, my man with bald but slightly graying beard with a gut, his uncle more graying (or dyed hair) with a very large gross gut with man boobs, their dad Dyed black hair with gray chest hair smaller gut, no ass, man boobs and last his uncle, completely grey and white hair, balding not from shaving, 6months pregnant and completely deaf. Their tempers are very close from mild, severe with beer (our men), his uncle- always severe since his is drunk all the time, his dad talks grouchy (putting up with whiney or lack of sex) and escalate to severe anger when his sons piss him off, to uncle who only gets angry because you are not using the right redneck sign language. What is that you ask? Over dramatizing with you mouth or use of hand gestures cause he is too lazy to learn sign language.
Next we have the lawnmower riders: Where mejis’s man and mine use them for transportation of themselves and their beer. Well sometimes they transport children in the lawnmower wagons. The funny thing is its spreading to the children now. I notice my nephew and the neighbor boy have their own nonblade working lawnmowers and racing up and down the road and everyone's lawn. If we have family cookouts we have the lawnmower parking area…lol How sad is that? I even have a picture of myself and my man driving me down the hill after the Easter egg hunt. I really think for mejis’s marriage that she ride down the isle on one with her flower girl and ring bearer toting in the back wagon. That would be priceless.
Last we have the I run over everything you own rider: That would be my father-in-law.
If your trying to grow something it will get mowed down, flatten by wheels or completely destroyed. He has taken down our saplings, bushes and out DISH which wasn’t cheap to repair. Hence why we got our own lawnmower. His wife will even put up little fences which get bent in the process of trying to save the little flowers. Today…he took out their telephone line…yup snap the line in two…sheesh…look out!

Redneck Easter

I spent Easter with my patients. After went to my in-laws for the Easter egg hunt. Wow no Drama which was nice. After we left there my kids had their Easter and had to find 73 eggs…one is still missing..lol
The kids got more than they needed for Easter and my man got his own basket…me got nothing. My hubby proceeds to innocently say…”I didn’t know we were getting anything for each other…”
No dear I usually make my own basket and everyone else's…this year i just didn’t…sheesh
Oh and where is the redneck stuff you ask? Pictures are better than words
My man’s idea of hiding the Easter eggs
My Mr. Gimpy’s mejis’s man idea of an Easter basket

ZZaaap!

Okay so my brother law has gotten some new lights for his bike that only half work. Well it drives my hubby batty when things don’t work and so he decided to fix the bike. Mind you even though my man is a redneck he knows more about vehicles and bikes than he lets on. Mainly because he doesn’t like working on mechanical crap. Anyhow…i was visiting my sister-in-law hey by law after so many years she becomes sister-in-law ..lol anyway i went to check on the boys. My man had a wire to the lights and his brother was sticking it to the battery to see if they got the connection right. Apparently my brother-in-law was getting slowly zapped by the juice…and was stating hurry up i am getting zapped. My hubby who loves to aggravate his brother says just a few more minutes (the lights were on btw) i just about have it…the dumbarse stood there and held the wires a little longer…lol
Course my man was grinning ear to ear while his brother complained that from his hand to his elbow was tingling..lol sheesh…redneck brothers

Redneck Holiday

Hello all from the the bottom of redneck hill with the holiday madness…

We actually didn’t have any drama because meth ho and her spawn stayed home. Unfortunately someone in the family on my brother-in-laws side had passed away. But we still went on with the festivities…
First my there was ass grabbing…by my man and his sis? Yea i know to much info..i asked if they were from west va and found out that yes their is family from there…hmm that explains alot.
My brother-in-law was out hunting..and my man was the only male in the house…i could see his man hood shriveling…lol Usually they are the ass grabbers acting retarded…i actually have a picture of them pretending to be attacking each other with knifes….so my man stuffed his face and out the door hunting he went. Most of the fun was around my niece who’s catch phrase of the day was “no way” with such attitude!
then my nieces thought i would be great to take white powder sugar from the donuts the 2 yr old was eating and put it under her nose. Next the instructed her to say “i love cocaine” great…that's just what she needs to repeat at preschool…i was a bit comical though…when she was going up to people saying i love cocaine…
Ugh i ate so much that i think I am going to hurl…never go to thanksgiving starving…you eyes will be bigger than ur stomach.
So i have left the feast and headed home…because in this family more than 3 hours (not days) it starts to stink…esp after those deviled eggs
so i am here on the couch in pj…no man and kids quietly playing somewhere…ahhh what a day…i would go to bed now…but i better wait at least an hour for my belly to settle…wish me luck i go out in the crazy blk friday tomorrow for the first time with my sister-in-law..4 am is early…means i will be up by 3.

i hope everyone had a blast on their turkey day!!!

Spread em’

My friend that works as a cashier told me when I see my hubby to asked him not to steal anymore sunglasses again. So of course I had to ask my hubby what sunglasses did you try to steal today…when I got home…he grinned…and proceeded to tell me the story…
My hubby works for Pepsi and he works in a few different grocery stores…he was coming out of a certain big chain store…when he set the alarm off...and since he knew most of the people that work there he decided to be amusing and put his hands on the wall and “spread em” position…yelling at the door greeter…It’s not me…you can check. Mind you this door greeter was probably mortified because she was at least 80yrs old. She states that's umm not my job someone from the back does that... The cashiers at this point were laughing hysterically at my hubby and the customers glaring at the site of my hubby spread out like a criminal on the wall. Someone finally came over and they asked what he had purchased…apparently the sunglasses that he bought where setting off the alarms. The wonderful cashier forgot to deactivate them.

Kaboom!

Okay first some history….my man before having a ready made family use to keep loaded guns around the house because you never know what kind of crazy might break in. Paranoid? No prepared he tells me. He actually had a loaded gun in his recliner. He told me that he was sleeping one time and this bible seller came in the house and he said he scared the crap out of the man because he pulled the gun on him. Course the jack ass shouldn’t have come in the house while he was sleeping. Anyway when me and my girls moved in he had to break the habit of having loaded guns. Because if something happen to my girls I would be force to shoot him…lol
He does pretty good and locks his guns and bullets up now but around hunting season he sometimes forgets and i have to nag him…yes I said nag…because i tell him and it goes in one ear and out the other. Knowing my luck I would be me cleaning and I would end up shooting myself. Course he tells me to leave his crap alone and he would clean it up himself. Yea okay 3 months later maybe. Anyway…a couple days ago he was putting his bullets back up in the lock box and the lock fell off and on to the dresser top…KABOOM!!!
My hubby says all he saw was a flash of light…and oh shit what did i shoot???
Nothing thank GOD…dumbass had bought some high power poppers for forth of July and some fell out of the box and when the lock fell off it hit one of those and scared the shit out of my man. I laughed my arse off at him. Serves him right! I think now he will try a little harder..at least for a little while.

weird redneck stuff

okay so I have learn that the rednecks here are entertain with simple things, eat strange things and say weird stuff here goes…

1. My husband does not like cake…let me say it again does not like cake but his mom will insist on making cake for his birthday every year that never gets eaten….what does he like?  Icing…as in tube of it and eating it plain… So my daughter bought him that tube above..
2. Leading to my mans next obsession…the color of his poop after eating such an item…or asking others that have eaten blue poop coloring icing…yea just what mejis wants you to ask…is the baby’s poo blue?
3. Following a comment the next day…i tried to take a pic of the poo with the camera..but the lighting was all wrong.. serious?  just the lighting was wrong with that statement? sheesh
4. What did his sister get him for his birthday?  A whole pork loin…hmm meat from your sis…redneck
5. My crazy redneck lab dog…enjoys cleaning my mans toes…only his toes…and i have seen him chewing on his toe nails…can you say ewww gross!!!
6. My man has chewed on a milk bone just to aggravate the dog…mmm minty fresh!
7. Another gift for his birthday…moonshine..yea major redneck border lining into hillbilly
8. My man also has no problem with a birthday cake like this…. yup he watches SpongeBob…blames the kids..yet they are sometimes at school when he is watching
9. my hubby finds it funny to throw farts..ask for a hug and then fart…pull the covers over your head..fart…oh yea what entertainment
10. Also i have learned when he says hey look a raccoon…does not mean its alive…sure Hun lets play identify the dead thing on the side of the road..whoo hee
11. I have learn also that rednecks cannot take pictures…even if they have the same camera as me…people are never centered, and 12 pictures of the same bird is not exciting…unless its rare…but a sparrow or whatever that bird was…not interesting
12. When my man want his brother…he will ask me to message mejis and have her tell him…ugh..its called the telephone..or even sadder walk up there…they live right behind us…
13. Or if his brother is shooting or playing with fireworks…mine has to retaliate with his own gun or fireworks…like he has to one up his brother..is that some type of redneck mating dance…bang i have big balls…i am sexier..come mate with me? good grief…anyway that is my redneck man

weird redneck doings

okay so I have learn that the rednecks here are entertain with simple things, eat strange things and say weird stuff here goes…

1. My husband does not like cake…let me say it again does not like cake but his mom will insist on making cake for his birthday every year that never gets eaten….what does he like? Icing…as in tube of it and eating it plain… So my daughter bought him that tube above..
2. Leading to my mans next obsession…the color of his poop after eating such an item…or asking others that have eaten blue poop coloring icing…yea just what mejis wants you to ask…is the baby’s poo blue?
3. Following a comment the next day…i tried to take a pic of the poo with the camera..but the lighting was all wrong.. serious? just the lighting was wrong with that statement? sheesh
4. What did his sister get him for his birthday? A whole pork loin…hmm meat from your sis…redneck
5. My crazy redneck lab dog…enjoys cleaning my mans toes…only his toes…and i have seen him chewing on his toe nails…can you say ewww gross!!!
6. My man has chewed on a milk bone just to aggravate the dog…mmm minty fresh!
7. Another gift for his birthday…moonshine..yea major redneck border lining into hillbilly
8. My man also has no problem with a birthday cake like this…. yup he watches SpongeBob…blames the kids..yet they are sometimes at school when he is watching
9. my hubby finds it funny to throw farts..ask for a hug and then fart…pull the covers over your head..fart…oh yea what entertainment
10. Also i have learned when he says hey look a raccoon…does not mean its alive…sure Hun lets play identify the dead thing on the side of the road..whoo hee
11. I have learn also that rednecks cannot take pictures…even if they have the same camera as me…people are never centered, and 12 pictures of the same bird is not exciting…unless its rare…but a sparrow or whatever that bird was…not interesting
12. When my man want his brother…he will ask me to message mejis and have her tell him…ugh..its called the telephone..or even sadder walk up there…they live right behind us…
13. Or if his brother is shooting or playing with fireworks…mine has to retaliate with his own gun or fireworks…like he has to one up his brother..is that some type of redneck mating dance…bang i have big balls…i am sexier..come mate with me? good grief…anyway that is my redneck man

Redneck Texting

I will tell you that first I am not a fan of texting.  Never had it and usually block it from my plan so I don’t get charged for stupid texts.  Hey its call the invention of the telephone…you just talk in it.  Okay Okay i know that in some instances texting is quiet and doesn’t disturb others but anyway…I have finally moved up in the world and got a blk berry.  Which just feeds my internet addiction.   I got it because my instructors are constantly emailing and changing their minds when if comes to meetings and deadlines.  Now I get my emails straight to my phone just in case they change their mind at the last min.  Anyway on to the redneck world…my hubby got a new phone when we upgraded and it has a better signal than what we had.  So my hubby, who goes to bed at 830 most nites, was up until 12 midnight playing with his new phone.  Even called me from the bedroom for me to bring him a beer…great now we have room service?The package that I have with my phone gives us free texting.  So for shits and giggles I sent him one while at work on lunch break…only after the second one I get a message that say F Y this shit sucks just call me… (that was the exact message) well at least it was spelled right my brother in law has issues with spelling.  I know the king of taking pictures of every Efin  nature thing in the world and send it to me via texts pics….yea!  Yup its a flower…and another flower..lol  But the most amusement he has right now is calling with in the house to ask whatcha doing?  Like he doesn’t call me enough already throughout the day. Sheesh. But to top it all off was when he ask me to ask my sisterinlaw to ask her man to send him that picture of the cougar dragging off some deer.  Why can’t they talk to each other?  Why are we the go to person?  Have they forgot how to use the phone? Pfft!