Baby Codes: taking a piece of my heart one code at a time.

Nothing is more disturbing than a child code most of all a baby.  We had another one who actually coded when the parent put her on the gurney.  Most arrive already gone from this world due to crib death or various sickness that occurred through the night.  This was the first we have seen that coded in the ER.  This poor little girl was a sick little thing.  Had been on ECMO twice and had at least 6 surgeries.  Not that would change how we would look at this patient. A baby code can seem to go on forever because everyone us working hard not to give up and trying everything we can think off. 
I can keep it together when the code is going on but the worse part is when you know it’s time to tell the parents that there is no more hope.   The look in a parents eyes is the most heart wrenching and heart breaking look.  It’s hard to comfort someone that has lost a child when you as a nurse have never lost one.  I don’t think I could ever be a labor and delivery nurse for fear of losing a baby.  When the baby death is announced the crew is always full of tears and trying to keep it together to help support the parent.  I can accept and adult death easier because I know they have lived some kind of life.  But a baby’s life has just begun.  I know God needs his little lambs but sometimes….it feels so unfair.

Code Blue: Baby blues

Of all the codes in the ED, baby code blues are by far the worse to ever encounter. It would be great to wish that no one in the ER would ever have to see one but that will never happen. We had one the other night and it was my 2nd one. My first one I was just a runner. The one that just gets items that the other nurses or doctors yell out. This time I was in the code. A place I would rather not be. In fact my mind went completely blank when the call came in. I couldn’t remember how to CPR. I just blanked out. How embarrassing would that be if I just stood there. Not knowing what to do! I shook it off, grabbed the computer and help set up the room. Everyone manned their stations and it appeared I would have to document and be the runner because we only had 3 nurses and 1 tech. When the baby of 16 months came in she was blue. The crew was not allowed to put in a line because they were a BLS crew. The ALS one was too far out to get their first. So all that was started was CPR. My charge nurse was leading the code. He was trying to get an IO in her leg. (IV that goes directly into the bone when a line can’t be gotten) The tech was doing compression but you can tell it was getting to him so the charge nurse took over while our other nurse was pushing meds. In the process of charting my computer crashed but since I always prefer paper charting I was kind of of relieved. It was the longest code of my life. Why? Because I was the one telling the doctor when we could push the next med that might just help this baby. She would ask how much more time till the next epi and I would have to tell her 2 mins to go. My watch felt like it was broke because it was ticking so freaking slow. After 35 mins of this code the doctor allowed the parents in while we were still doing CPR. She needed them to see that we were doing all that we could. We all knew she was waiting to tell them that it would be time to stop. The mother already realizing this was in tears and asked if she could hold her baby now. We called the code 45 mins later and she held her little baby. She rocked and cried while dad held her. Grandma wailed. Those of us that couldn’t contain their tears walked quickly out of the room and the rest of us with tears in our eyes tried to remain strong. Setting up chairs and passing out tissues. Its beyond sad when a little one is lost…its just devastating.