Sunday, October 30, 2011

Halloween comes before Christmas.

I know it’s not new to you that Halloween comes before Christmas but retail is trying to make people forget.  I noticed this year they marked Halloween up for Clearance before Halloween was here.  That way they could hurry up and get out more of their Christmas Crap.  More as in they already had it out with Halloween stuff.  I wish there was a law that you can't push a Holiday until the last one was completed.  I love my Halloween don’t push me into Christmas.  If Christmas was actually celebrated for the right reasons I might not be so against it.  But it’s so commercialized anymore.  I couldn’t believe Walfart had  Christmas music on already.  It’s suppose to be one time a year not the complete end of the year people!  SHEESH!  So one more day till Halloween!  Let me enjoy it you stupid retail pushers of Christmas!

Saturday, October 29, 2011


I just don’t understand why my oldest can’t get through her head that her nasty dirty underwear don’t belong in the floor, bed needs to be made and half eaten food doesn’t belong shoved and hidden in her room.  It’s amazing that I left her father when she was 4 yrs. old and yet she does a lot of things he did.  Which drives me insane.  I left my ex for his hoardness and sloppy ways.  So tell me people when it’s your kid what the heck do you do?  You can’t run away from them or leave them.  No matter how much she gets grounded, spanked, goals set to improve, or just yelled at nothing works.  Positive or Negative she still is the nasty child that I love.  She answers the phone and tell important people that we can’t talk right now because we are napping.  Even though we have told her that all important calls need to be given to us.  At least this year her grades have improved. I have to always be on her about feeding her bird or dog.  Not to mention practice your instrument and do your homework.  This has been years of frustration and now she is 14yrs old.  Shouldn’t she know better by now?  I am constantly told by people I am mean because she is always grounded.  What am I suppose to do?  Let her do whatever she wants like her sperm donor’s moms did?  Now he is a burden to the world.  I don’t want her to be supported by the tax payers because she can’t keep a job.  It’s going to be worse for her because it will be hard for her to find a man that wants to marry a slob.  It’s so frustrating.  So please any advice?  Things to try?  Like I said we have tired lists and poster boards to remind her.  We have tried consequences and groundings.  Nothing works!!! GRRRR

Friday, October 28, 2011

Holes in your neck

We had this lady come in a few nights back that came in via ambulance.   They didn’t tell us quite what was going on just that this lady had holes in her neck.  They had the bleeding under control but would explain the situation when they got there.  Apparently they couldn’t figure out if the patient tried to kill their self or if it was an accident.  The patient was drunk as a skunk screaming that she would never hurt herself.  That she would just take pills because it would be easier.   The lady’s hair was matted with dried blood and the front of her shirt look like she murdered someone.  I gloved and gowned up because the patient was trying to get out of bed.  Shouting she didn’t need to be here.  The Doctor was tied up in another room and I was just accessing the damage.  Which didn’t take long since she wouldn’t stay still the washcloth that was covering her neck fell.  While she screamed at us the holes in her neck would open and close.  Which would cause it to bleed and then stop.  Weird and gruesome all at once.  If she caused these holes she was pretty talented.  I was in weird patterns.  After the doctor accessed her apparently she gotten drunk and passed out.  On the way down she must have hit something to cause the weird holes.  Unfortunately even though she didn’t commit suicide she was home alone with 3 small kids.  Not good because this wasn’t the first time.  Meaning social services had to be called.  It took the doctor about an hour to suture her back up.
***morale of the story if your going to drink yourself unconscious lay in the floor and move the furniture prior to partying.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Funny Pumpkins

I love when people send me pictures of funny pumpkin carvings.  So I thought I would share a few of my favorites.
pumpkin-102  Too much pumpkin alcohol
pumpkin-142  PMS pumpkins
funny-pumpkin-carvings  Zombie Pumpkin
pumpkin-giving-birth This my favorite… 
Have any funny ones to share?  Feel free

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Free Candy and a puppy

Strange things…Ann and I were walking the dogs in the woods near the house.  We do this quite often to clear our minds, bitch and whine and shrink our asses.   Today I decided to bring all 3 small dogs and Ann brought Duke.  While walking a white truck roars up beside us and the creepy looking dude asked me if I wanted another dog.  No thanks I replied.  What I wanted to say was Dude can you not see I already have 3 dogs that I am walking??  That or no thanks I don’t want your free candy either.  I am not stupid enough to hitch a ride with you. Made me wish I brought the Mace with me.  What is the world coming to these days.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Halloween Party

316902_308239889189700_100000110742086_1436663_1466529640_nI have always wanted to go to a Halloween party.  Where they have all the food Halloween themed and everyone dresses up.  Not to mention you can drink and have wonderful black mail pics…lol  So my husband actually decided to go with me to a party that a coworker was throwing.  We went as Red Riding hood and the wolf.  It was really hard to find a costume that wasn’t a hooker looking Red Riding Hood.  Really I don’t see her walking through the woods like this do you? RedRidingHoodElite-300x300   
She would die from exposure or trip and fall and break a leg. So I based my costume from the movie Red Riding Hood. 

I then ripped up one of the sleeves and put fake slash mark tattoos and scrapes on my arms.  I did rip the side of the dress up my leg but not too far…lol  It came our pretty good.  The food was amazing…316266_2533756018300_1085529767_3174477_1944746131_n
*kitty litter cake…gross definitely
316287_2533758818370_1085529767_3174480_1324820192_n  spider eggs…creepy
Course after drinking vodka and strawberry kiwi neither one of these are an option…lol

I had a blast and hope to throw my own Halloween Party soon!

Monday, October 24, 2011

Things that make you go Blarg!

So since it’s Halloween and I must try to keep my subjects related to all that is Hallow…let’s talk about something that make you sick, grossed out or just wanna hurl.  That for me would be PDA aka Public display of affection.  I am not talking about the quick peck kisses, hugs or hand holding.  I am talking about the tongue shoved down your loved ones throat.  Really people the middle of the Wal-Mart parking lot isn’t where you need to be making out.  But the worse one yet was a coworker and his other halve fondling each other.  I don’t care if you thought it appeared that she was just grabbing your phone from your pants pocket.  It doesn’t take 5 mins to do that.  I am also pretty sure that it was quite that far over in the pant…Blarg  So for the rest of the world keep your wandering hands and tongues for closed doors!

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Top 10 Houses to Avoid while Trick-or-Treating

Top 10 Houses to Avoid while Trick-or-Treating

10. Any house that seems to be imploding into a hole in the ground.

9. Any house made of gingerbread.
8. Any house that has ornamental lawn Hell Hounds.
7. Any house whose only entrance is through the basement.
6. Any house where all the windows are glowing with eerie green light.
5. Any house that keeps growling, "Get out"
4. Any house where the trophy animal heads on the walls are talking.
3. Any house that has a bloody wood chipper prominently displayed in the front yard.
2. Any house with a yard full of statues of people in odd running poses.
And the number 1 house to avoid...

1. Any house that wasn't there a couple of seconds ago.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Halloween top 10’s

10 Things That Sound Dirty On Halloween, But Aren't...
1. So...What'd you get in the sack?
2. Once you get under the sheet, start moaning and groaning!!!
3. Just hop on that broomstick and ride it!
4. Those small suckers are gone in a few licks!
5. I got the best piece from that house.
6. Quit screwing around on the porch!!!
7. Stick your hand in and guess what you're feeling....
8. It was so filled and heavy, I had to use TWO hands!!
9. They'll suck you dry if they get their teeth in you.
10. I bobbed and bobbed, but couldn't get my mouth around it!

Top Ten Reasons Why Trick-or-Treating is Better Than Sex
10. You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9. If you get tired, wait ten minutes and go back at it again.
8. The stranger you look, the easier it is to get some.
7. You don't have to compliment the person who gave it to you.
6. Person you are with doesn't fantasize you're someone else, you already are.
5. If you get a stomach ache, it won't last nine months.
4. If you wear leather and chains, no one thinks you're kinky.
3. Doesn't matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2. Less guilt the next morning from over-indulging.
1. If you don't get what you want at one place, you can always go next door to get more!

Friday, October 21, 2011

Haunted Houses

No matter how old I get I love going to haunted houses.  Not that I am really scared or anything but I love seeing all the cool ideas people come up with to try to gross you out.  I also love going to see other people get their pants scared off…lol  You know these people can’t hurt you or even touch you.  But there is always someone in the group that squeals like a little girls through out the entire thing.  We had one in our group.  He was actually chased out from the group and into a corn field where he was lying on the ground in a fetal position.  Funny as hell I tell you.

 I did like the haunted corn maze.  I thought it was scarier than the haunted house.  I don’t know if it’s because corn still creeps me out because of Children of the corn or just that it was pitch black.  I think it was the combination of the both.  I did jump at least once or twice because it was hard to see where people were coming coming from.  I love the two guys that dragged the “dead” body into the cornfield…yea I am demented that way.  So do you go to haunted houses?  Are they too dumb to go to or do they scare the crap out of you still?

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Costume Party

Costume Party
A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She
got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the
party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she
argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to
bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by
not going. So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened
without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to
the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her
costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching
her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting
around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he
could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.

His wife moved on up to him and being a rather seductive
babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted
his time to the new stuff that had just arrived.
She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was
her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her
ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars
and had a little romp.

Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went
home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering
what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what
kind of a time he had. He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You
know I never have a good time when you're not there."
Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"

He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance.
When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other
guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening.
But I'll tell you... the guy I loaned my costume to sure had
a real good time!"

Wednesday, October 19, 2011


I have no idea why they scare the crap out of me but they just do.  I don’t care if they have happy faces or sad.  They are all creepy as hell.  But If I have to give out awards for the scariest 5 clowns I have seen.  These would be it.  Least to the Greatest.
5. viol8r2 The clown from Spawn.  I love drawing the spawn character but this clown is too freaky to draw.
4.images (1) Dr Spaulding.  From House of a 1000 Corpses or Devil’s Rejects.  First off if you have seen this movie the whole movie is down right gruesome…but he give me the creeps. More like a child molestor clown.
3.Zombieland Zombie Clown Zombie Land Clown…hello a zombie and a clown?  Anyone have an axe handy?
2.pennywise-clown-it This one is a toss up between my number one clown.  He is creepy and scary as hell but he never made me check under my bed like number one.  This is Pennywise from the movie IT.
1.poltergeist-clown-3  A doll plus a clown?  This thing did give me nightmares.  Not only as a kid did I check under the bed, the closet was never open after this movie.  Even my stuff animals gave me the creeps weeks after this movie.
So this is my scary clown blog…there won’t be another..cause they creep me the heck out too much.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

What do you want to be for Halloween?

I have dressed up for Halloween since I can remember.  I think last year was the first year in forever that I didn’t dress up.  Just wasn’t in the mood which is really weird for me.  I have dressed up as many things.  As a kid I was a grocery bag full of groceries, Ernie and Oscar the grouch from sesame street, an 80’s punk rocker.  I have been a vampire so many time I have lost count.  I have been a witch, sorcerer, and the grim reaper.  I made my costume from the famous movie the Birds.   But this year I was invited to my first Halloween party.  I am going as red riding hood.  Not the slutty looking one.  More based on newest movie a renaissance look.  I  have a really nice red cloak that I made when I was a sorcerer one year.  My hubby is going as the wolf.  I hope to have a blast.  I will fill you in on the details next week. I am also going to a haunted house this Friday.  I love them!  So tell me did you make your own costumes?  Store bought?  What was your favorite?

Monday, October 17, 2011

Thanks everyone

Just wanted to thank everyone that helped me out in the last post.  Sarah I will have to look up Entity. I haven’t heard of it.   Tj not sure what Re-animator is either.  Thanks for all the ideas.  I will make it easier to decided what to watch.  I found a Nazi zombie movie that we had not seen.  Plus the kids haven’t seen Walking dead and I just bought the first season on blu-ray.  I am thinking about Texas chainsaw.  I think it will scare the crap out of them…lol  Muahah!

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Halloween: yes lurkers you have to comment

Okay this post requires everyone to participate.  Tell me 2 of your favorite horror or slasher movies and why?  I am having a movie marathon and I need some new ideas.  We have watched a lot of the classics like:  Poltergeist, Dracula, Children of the Corn, and ghost ship.  Give me some idea’s people. I want some scary ones to scare the kiddies.  Thanks!

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Halloween tips to die for

With Halloween upon us, it is worthwhile to remember a few simple rules to help keep this season healthy, happy and SAFE!! Please use these helpful hints this and every year.

1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead.

2. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out or if you hear strange sounds.

4. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's voice.

5. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off and go alone.

6. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

7. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would apply to any other house of the dead as well.

8. If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out that it's just the cat, GET THE HELL OUT!

9. If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for short circuits; just get out.

10. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.

11. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around. Especially if children appear out of the cornfield.

12. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing.

13. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are female. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you. And if your blonde your screwed.

14. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.

15. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street , Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one), anywhere in Texas where chainsaws are sold, Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine . Large hotels out in BFE Stay away.

16. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. If you think that it is strange you ran out of gas because you thought you had most of a tank, shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and most likely be eaten.

17. Beware of strangers bearing tools. For example: chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any devices made from deceased companions.

18. If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in-laws. This also applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices. Burn the house down!

19. Dress appropriately. When investigating a noise downstairs in an old house, women should not wear a flimsy negligee. And carry a flashlight, not a candle. If your a virgin your safe. If you just had sex or are having it your gonna die.

20. Do not mention the names of demons around open flames, as these can flare suddenly. Be especially careful of fireplaces in this regard.

21. Do not go looking for witches in the Maryland countryside.
22. If you drive down a highway and it turns into a wooded gravel road don’t wait for a place to turn around just back all the way back to the highway.  Never take one of these roads as a short cut to avoid traffic.  You will still arrive late and most likely dead.  If you hear banjo’s your screwed.

Friday, October 14, 2011

Best Vampire Movies

  1. the-best-vampire-movies-of-all-timeThe all time best movie!! I don’t think they could ever remake this movie and make it better.
  2. 10048200abram-stoker-s-dracula-posters A classic that comes to life on screen.
  3. 30daysofnight-posterThese vampires don’t sparkle.  They are bloody and just plain mean.  Awesome bloody and gruesome movie
  4. underworld-casting-call-open-audition This is more of an action vampire movie but I love the idea of a half breed super vampire.
  5. images The vampire movie of my childhood that scared the pants off me.  I watch it a few days ago and wonder why?  I would like to see the remake to see if this one will make me jump like the old one did years back.
  6. Interview wall I hate Tom Cruise they could have done a better cast.  I still love the movie as well as the book.
  7. 300px-Blade_movie  Another action packed vampire movie.  It’s not a classic but if you want to see some vampires get their butt kicked this is the movie for you.

*** stay away from priest that movie about put me to sleep…bleck

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Surrounded by Vampires

images (3)
I never realize that I was surrounded in my life by vampires.  Not the kind you see on horror movies, that drink blood or even change into a bat.  I am talking about the petty “vampires”. You know the type.  These vampires are seen on  most reality shows, who drink drama and heartache and change into drama llama. I am not saying that I am perfect by far.  I have spread gossip I have heard.  Everyone has at some point or another.  But these people live on drama and can’t seem to survive without rocking the boat.  Let’s start at work.  We had a nurse ask the night shift charge nurse to let some nurses go home if it continued to be slow.  Which rarely happens.  Well after dayshift left we got slammed.  In fact no one left early and we just couldn’t keep our heads above water…so when day shift came in the next morning.  Joking and smiling I said YEA our relief is here…please for the love of God don’t mention being slow again tonight.  Which apparently snow balled into them talking really bad about me behind my back. WTH?  I wasn’t ugly about.  I told them we were crazy all night.  I just don’t see the problem.  But I was then pulled in the office for some bullshit by the dayshift charge.  She try to say some patient in room 3 was mad how I treated them.  I told her I was never in that room.  I was taking care of the GI bleed in another room.  I never saw that patient and couldn’t even tell you what they were here for.  She made it sound like I had my name on the chart.  I told her to pull the   chart.  Then she started to change her tune.  Well maybe the patient was mistaken.  Whatever.  I just won’t joke with them anymore sheesh.
Then you have METH HO drama she got pissed off at ANN and tried to run her and my kid off the road when she was barreling down the road.  I message her on FB and told her to keep her drama crap at home.  That there was no excuse for her to try to kill my kid because she was pissed off.  She told me she didn’t do that.  When my 12 yr old said different.  I pretty much told her that if she tried that shit again she would find herself in jail.
Of course you have the drama in the ER, where some patient’s suck the life right out of you.  Or the doctors that should be a little more caring and just assume they are druggies.  Some people actually come to the ER for the right reasons.
My brother in law is driving this whole family insane with his aliment.  If he would just do what the doctor says.  He acts like he has a MD behind his name and knows more that the doctors.  When he bitches about his leg or the fact it’s going to be cut off I want to scream at him I TOLD YOU SO DUMB ASS.  I hate that he makes ANN do everything.  Makes me want to smack the crap out of him. I swear ANN has the patience of JOB because I would have smothered him with a pillow along time ago.  She could definitely plead the Insanity case and win.  Heck the Judge is probably tired of seeing him and thank her anyway.
All I want to say to these “vampires” is

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Starve a Vampire: Donate blood

It’s amazing how many people can but don’t donate blood. Did you know if you gave blood you can save 3 people?  I don’t give every 3 months like I could but I do give at least once a year.  This year I gave twice.  I just wanted to share some fun facts about blood and donation.
~4.5 million Americans would die each year without life saving blood transfusions.

~Approximately 32,000 pints of blood are used each day in the United States.

~Every three seconds someone needs blood

~On average, a hip replacement typically uses one unit of blood, a cardiac bypass 2 units, a heart transplant 2 units, and a liver transplant 10 units!
~More than 1 million new people are diagnosed with cancer each year. Many of them will need blood, sometimes daily, during their chemotherapy treatment.
Donate blood
So do you have a family member with cancer?  Did your mom or dad have a heart transplant?  How many of your grandparents has had a hip replacement?  Are you one of those that just doesn’t have the time, afraid of needles or just doesn’t care? What if everyone had that same attitude would your loved one be alive today?  Would they have survived their surgery if no one had donated?  Please donate.  Please save a life.  You never know if you will be the one needing the blood when you come into my ER.
1213239_orig  You don’t have to just give at the Red Cross your local hospital usually has a blood bank on sight.  Just call most times you don’t even need an appointment.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Best Vampire Books of all times

  1. Sookie Stack House Series by Charlaine Harris.  If you are watching trueblood and haven’t read the book then you don’t know crap about Sookie Stackhouse.  Give the books a try.  If you can’t read get them on CD Duh!                           sookie
  2. How would you like to live in a town where it’s ran by vampires.  And making blood donations was the way the town taxed you?  If you don’t pay your taxes you could come up missing?  This is a great series that is easy to read and easy to get addicted to.9376345
  3. Tired of the same old Twilight type vampire’s?  Wanting a different type of vampire?  We then this book is for you.  Mori  are still elite type vampires in this series but they  have to be guarded by Damphirs.   The Strigori are the vampires that are out to eliminate the Mori race.  This is a great book.  Unfortunately the first book is a little long winded making people stop reading the series.  The first book is more about getting to know the characters but after that it’s easy to get yourself hooked to this series.345627 
  4. When you’re a teenager you may develop a mark.  Meaning you will be sent away from your family and friends to a new school.  There you will learn the ways of becoming a great vampire.  That is if you can survive the change or the headmistress.                                       
  5. Last but not least is Anne Rice’s Vampire chronicles. 43763 
*** there are many other vampire books that I have read that are good not but not great.  They are still good reads but just not one of my favorites.  These would include: Vampire Diaries, Dracula, Turned, and last but not least is Twilight.  I am sure there are many others that I have read that should be on this list but hey I wanted the top 5.  Btw why is Twilight not the top 5?  Because if you are not a teenager you would realize just how whiney and melodramatic Bella is.  Come on?  Kill yourself over a guy?  Good grief.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Vampire’s galore

Okay so the start of a new work week means we need to switch from Zombies to Vampires.  So for the next few days and blogs we will look at the greatest vampires in books, movies and my life.  Yup I never told you about the vampires in my life?  Well hang tight and find out this week.  See you then…Let’s start off with the Vampire Hunk of all time!  Here he is from the awesome series Trueblood:


Sunday, October 9, 2011

So you want to die

10. Be a Camp Counselor- Fun Summer job, right? You get to wear shorts at work, go swimming, do arts and crafts, wind up at the bottom of the lake with a branch through your was that? Yeah. Don't you know? This job is more deadly than being an ice trucker. Hate the thought of going back to school? Be a counselor. You'll never go anywhere again. Wanna get it over quickly? Do any of the things below to make sure you are the first to go. Wanna live? Work at the mall.

9. Ignore the Local Crazy- You know the ones I mean. They run around town spouting about the end of the world, saying things like "You'll never come back again" or "it's got a death curse." They could be warning you of certain death in ghastly ways...or they could just be off their meds. I say, "why take the chance?" Leaving then and there could make you look like a puss but you would at least be alive to get teased about it. I'd rather be a living puss than a dead dumbass.

8. Read Strange Writings From a Book Bound in Skin- This falls directly under the heading "What the Hell is Wrong With You?" Do you speak this language? No?! Then don't read it aloud. You have no idea what you are saying or who you might piss off. This goes for tape recordings too. Just because you aren't the one saying it does not make it okay. And think about this. What happened to the original owner of the book? Where are they, huh? Yeah, I thought so. You come across something like this...leave it alone.

7. Check Out the Noise- What was that? Did you hear it? No is the only answer that may keep you alive. If there was a noise, something nasty probably made it. My best advice? Run away at least until daylight. Nothing bad happens in the daylight, right? Well of course it can but your chances of survival are exponentially greater when the Sun is up. In the meantime, stop doing anything that will get you killed (see below) and be prepared. It will get to you eventually so there is no need to rush things. Use this time wisely by sharpening a tool or setting a fire to toss it in or boiling some water to throw at it. Use your imagination but DO NOT go see. Do you really wanna know what it was anyway? Even if it was just a cat or a raccoon, you know what that means. False scare. The real one is right around the corner.

6. Go in the Basement- Basements are dank, dark, damp and dark. Oh did I say "dark" twice? You bet your endangered ass I did. Dark means shadows and shadows are places to hide. The basement holds a myriad of dangers. Hands (or claws) reaching through those rickety stairs, things lurking behind water heaters, and windows too small to crawl through if you need to escape. These places are better known as Death Traps. No way to avoid it? Bring a buddy and a two-by-four. Better yet? Make your buddy go. When you hear his screams you will have ample opportunity to get the Hell outta Dodge.

5. Joke About Getting Killed- You may the jokester of the group, but a bad sense of humor will put you on the fast track to the morgue. If after ignoring the local crazy you get the bright idea of jumping out at your friends or wearing a mask or making fun of the local legend, then you deserve whatever you get. You are being stupid. I won't expect to see you around by the third act. You will be the one I find later hanging from a coat hook on the back of a door or swinging from a rope in the hayloft or Heaven forbid, dying right in front of your friends who have seen too much of your crap to believe you. Ever hear of the boy who cried Serial Killer? Me neither. Don't be the first.

4. Mock the Dead or Be Irreverent in any Form- Ever notice how the assholes never make it to be the heroes? Yeah, you keep that close in your brain when you are thinking about dancing on someone's grave or digging up a corpse to party. It's not nice to show disrespect and it usually gets rewarded in messy, messy ways. If you see any of your friends committing these heinous acts, don't even bother to stop them. It may be too late. I recommend you get in the car and haul ass while it still runs. You wait too long and you know as well as I that you aren't getting out. And once the spirits are pissed, they don't care who was responsible. If you are still around then you either did it or supported it. They don't care which.

3. Get Drunk- These last three are no-brainers. Well you would think they would be. But teens and young adults keep doing it and keep getting killed. Let me tell you again. If you are in the woods, at a party in the middle of nowhere (which is stupid anyway), at camp, creeping around an old house or anywhere else that is questionable, be the designated driver. If you are lucky you'll need one. If not so lucky, at least you won't be too hammered to find your own way out. And if you are thoughtless enough to get drunk, for pity's sake DO NOT wander off alone. That includes peeing in the woods. Just because you have the equipment to go anywhere doesn't mean you should.

2. Smoke Pot- Once again, the sin factor comes into play. Firing up the MaryJane is the equivalent of inviting the ax-wielding killer to do you in. And don't think offering him any will change his mind. He knows that the best way to get the job done is to have his wits about him. Chances are that his revenge is based on some pot-smoking teens anyway. You won't score any points like that. Besides, you get stoned and you are too damned lazy to run away. But then I guess the upside of that is that maybe you just won't care enough to get scared. One second you are giggling at cartoons. The next, BAM!!! I guess if you have to commit one of the three, this would be the least painless way to go.

1. Have Sex- There have been warnings about this for years and not just in horror movies. The hook on the car handle, Little Red Riding Hood (a young girl coming of age and meeting a hungry stranger), The Bible. And when teens have refused to heed those warnings, along came the psycho killer. It's like he has some sort of Roll-in-the-Haydar. You peel off those clothes and he'll be peeling off your face. I do believe there are ways around this. Trust me, this is one I find hard-pressed to give up. So I advocate safe sex. Sex in groups may be the only answer. Then just make sure you aren't the ones nearest the door or window that could get attacked. Once you see the slaughter commence, beat a hasty retreat and continue the canoodling at a safer time and place. Don't have a group or don't feel comfortable? Hold it in. You can't risk giving in to folly at a time like that. Think about Grandma (assuming that's a turn OFF) and wait, wait, wait.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Halloween Meme: From Texan Zombie Goddess

I found this over at Adventures of a Texan Zombie Goddess and figured I would steal it. :P Here we go:
1. Which urban legend scared the jeebus out of you when you were a kid? Saying bloody Mary in the mirror…you couldn’t pay me to say it.

2. Which horror movie has the best premise? Saw
3. What is the most disappointing "treat" to receive in your bag on Halloween night? Those nasty black and orange wrapped candy…bleck
4. What's the best non-candy item to receive? The vampire teeth or stickers

5. Did a monster live in your closet as a child? Of course why do you think I slept with so many stuff animals as a kid…they protect you.  Lol

6. Which supernatural creature sent chills up your spine as a kid and still does? This sounds silly but Corn…it scares the crap out of me.  I had a cornfield in front of my house growing up and after watching children of the corn I was never the same.

7. Which supernatural creature makes you yawn?Frankenstein or the creature of the black lagoon

8. What's your favorite Halloween decoration? Pumpkins, graves and  blood.

9. If you could be anywhere on Halloween night, where would you be? At a haunted house in an old abandoned mental asylum.

10. What's the scariest book you've read so far this year? Nothing real scary but some cool ones like the Cell by Stephen King.  Death and Decay was a great zombie book too.
11. Haunted houses or hayrides? Both a Haunted Hayride…very creepy

12. Which Stephen King novel/movie would you least like to find yourself trapped in?  Tie between IT and Children of the Corn.

13. Which is creepiest: evil dolls, evil pets or evil children? Evil kids hands down. If you know your evil doll lore they leave you alone if you respect dolls.  Kids…your screwed.  The creepiest would have to be gage on Pet Semetery.  gage

Friday, October 7, 2011

I was a Zombie

So I was suppose to post every day but I turned into a walking Zombie.  After only getting 3 hours of sleep after waking up from working the night before I had many things to do.  I took my kids to their first pep band for middle school.  They helped the high school band at the local homecoming football game.  I finally got home around 11.  Unfortunately the lack of sleep brought on one of those sleep deprived migraines from hell.  You know the ones where you walk around with your eyes have closed, holding your head, moaning and bumping into things.  This type of “zombie” does moan brains but shut up everyone my head hurts.”  This zombie also can revert back into human once they have eaten, slept and medicated.  Unfortunately I skipped 2 of those and woke up at 530 am with a pounding in my head.  I had to eat and take meds and go back to bed.  So I am back posting this for my disappearance…lol  I know it’s cheating…wait this is my blog and do whatever I want…muahaha

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Strange things

Yes I though I loved zombies but apparently there are bigger zombie fans out there.  What I have learned playing on the internet
~The official Ribbon for the dead:  a grey one and the official awareness month May. Want to know more? Grey Ribbon
~ Like to run In 5 K races?  How about one where zombie’s chase you.  You got a 5K race with obstacles in which you have to outrun zombies. It's designed a bit like flag football, you're given a belt with flags to serve as your health bar.  You make stops to pick up more health. From what I have seen on video…the zombies can actually run..that would freak me out.  Want to know more? Zombie run
~There is a Zombie food pyramid.  Really?  I wonder if I follow it will I lose weight.  Want to see it? Zombie food pyramid
~Zombie have moved up in the world.  They have their own fb now.  Friend them if you dare…or at least like the page. Add zombie friend
~People will actually click that last thing…and add zombie
~ Zombies have their own alcholic drink.  Here’s the reciepe:
~ There are Zombie socks..which I want btw: 191172404_hi
~ Hello I even found awesome garden Zombie.  I want this also unnamed  I how ever DO NOT want this…gnomes are creepy all by themselves.
Okay so there is some strange things on Zombies

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

How to tell if you’re a Zombie

Top Ten Symptoms of Necroambulation..
I like posting this every Halloween in hopes I have educated someone new.  If you have read this you may just skip it or enjoy it all over again.

10. Every Time You Speak it Comes Out as a Moan – One of the classic symptoms of zombification is the loss of coherent speech. Go all the way back to Frankenstein's Monster. The vocal chords are delicate and can be among the first things to go. Try saying this phrase: The rain in Spain stays mainly on the plain. Everything come out okay? Good. If not, you are either a zombie or Eliza Doolittle.
Other Possible Explanation: You are currently engaged in sexual intercourse.
9. People Remark that You Smell Like Roadkill- First of all, if anyone has ever said this within earshot of you...damn. Secondly, I hate to tell you that this is another symptom. You see, dead things smell bad. That's just the way it is. Autolysis and putrefaction lead to the release of gases which are the main cause of that sickly sweet odor of death. Chances are good that you are in fact a reanimated corpse.
Other Possible Explanation: You have poor hygiene. Treatment: Bathe.
8. Passersby Complement You on Your Sexy Shamble- It is a well-known fact (at least to Romero fans) that zombies have limited mobility. There is no blood flow to the muscles, what would you expect? Not to mention the fact that tendons and other soft tissues will be rotting away. Running zombies may be scarier to some but come on, does it really make sense? Let's be rational here. Hehe. If your walk can be categorized as a lurch or a stumble you could be in real trouble.
Other Possible Explanation: You are drunk.
7. You Have an Uncontrollable Urge to Go to the Mall- I don't know what it is about the mall, but it happens all the time. Is our need for consumerism so prevalent that it reaches beyond the limitations of death? Look at Dawn of the Dead (both versions) and even the video game Dead Rising. Apparently it is just an inevitability. Do you often feel yourself being pulled by the sway of Macy's or Hot Topic? Sounds like zombie time to me.
Other Possible Explanation: You are a teenager or just have nothing better to do.
6. Hunger is Your Only Motivation- Sure we all have the drive to eat in order to sustain our own lives. But if your hunger is all-consuming, if it just won't go away no matter what you eat, if you find yourself walking miles to track down something that smells may be a goner. Once you have been infected, nothing else will matter. Your need to feed will prey on your mind like you will prey on your neighbors and you will never be sated.
Other Possible Explanation: You are stoned. (Note: This could also be the underlying cause for many of the signs. Do you also have the urge to watch cartoons and laugh at nothing? If so, you are fine)
5. Your Friends Keep Trying to Bean You on the Head- We all know the most effective way to dispatch the living dead is to kill the brain. A gunshot to the head, a bat to the noggin, a tire iron to the skull...these are all good. And your friends all know this too. If you find yourself having to constantly shield your grey matter from the onslaught of weapons, you may be a zombie.
Other Possible Explanation: You have lousy friends.
4. Your Rate of Decomposition Has Severely Increased- We know that the body begins its slow decline as soon as we are born. The flesh is only designed to sustain life for so long. This is why we age and why we begin to fall apart (metaphorically) as we grow older. But if you are literally falling apart, this could be cause for concern. In the case of reanimation, there should also be the characteristic smell we discussed earlier. If you present with both of these symptoms, you are probably among the population of the undead.
Other Possible Explanation: You have leprosy which is generally characterized by skin lesions. Leprosy will not cause your limbs to fall off so if you start dropping body parts on the carpet, you should seek the attention of your local mortician.
3. You Were Pronounced Dead and People Ran Screaming When You Got Up- It is not uncommon, even in today's advanced society, for people to occasionally lose signs of life. Chances are good you could be revived by a team of medical experts or someone on hand to administer the likes of CPR. The usual response is gleeful gratitude expressed by those around you. But if you die and your awakening prompts a negative response, mainly one of fear or repulsion, then you have likely been zombified. If this is the case, I would be on the lookout for number 5 above. That is often the next logical reaction.
Other Possible Explanations: You are rich and your family was waiting for you to kick the bucket or you just aren't very well liked.
2. You Crave Human Flesh- Probably the number one symptom of zombiehood is the need to feed on the flesh of the living. There are various explanations of this phenomena depending upon which canon you follow. Some believe it lessens the pain of being dead. But no matter what you believe, you cannot deny that if this urge suddenly forms, the odds of you being a revenant are highly likely. I recommend you distance yourself from the public as quickly as possible. Most people are not fond of being gnawed on at random.
Other Possible Explanation: You are simply a cannibal. In either case, keep away from me.
1. You Have Been Bitten by a Zombie- This one is undeniable and there is little recourse unless you happen to boast a natural immunity but I wouldn't count on this being the case. If you have in fact been chewed by a member of the living dead, you can go ahead and plan your cremation. The typical funeral will only prolong the effects and cause you discomfort as you attempt to climb out of your grave. You will also probably attack those you love and that is not a pleasant thought for anyone.
Other Possible Explanation: I got nothing. You are screwed, my friend

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Best Zombie Flicks

I love George A. Romero’s Zombie flicks.  So for halloween if your looking for great Zombie flicks check these out…
Scary and Gruesome
  1. 61105192_landofthedead_800x445_0_-thumb-800x445-630 I like this version over the older one
  2. Night-of-the-Living-DeadBlack and white please!
  3. the-walking-dead-poster1 yes I know this is a tv show but it rocks!
  4. 28 Weeks Later-01The second one is much better than the first. Because the first one he spent the first hour yelling HELLO?? ugh
  5. images (1)Best comical zombie movie hands down.
  6. Resident_evil_ver4 This one is the best. The second one isn’t bad but as they go on…they are less zombie and more action.
  7. return_of_dead__1254427303_1234 Another original favorite
  8. images (2)The original is the best but the new one isn’t bad
  9. MV5BNDg5MjAxMjA2Nl5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMjE1OTc1MQ@@._V1._SY317_ When u need a new zombie movie after you seen the rest.