Sunday, February 27, 2011

Fact or Fiction?

Okay So I have been an ER nurse for almost a year and have seen some really interesting things. Like fake seizure patient Which I thought was an urban legend only to be proven wrong shortly after becoming a nurse. Now the nurses sleeping with the doctors…urban legend. Well at least in my ER. Most of us have to restrain ourselves from trying not to kill one. The ones that are hot looking…know it and flaunt it making them seem hideous. Next I have the KILLERS. You know the ones that come and for “attempted” suicides. Which 80% are just for attention. We had another one…a guy that was a cutter. Cut himself in the leg really deep. Another ER stitched him up. He decided he needed more pain killers and loosen up the stiches. Low and behold good doc was on that night. Whiney wanted pain meds. Doc said don’t want to be in pain…don’t cut yourself. Muahah…take that. He was not a happy camper told the psych doc that the doctor must have just graduated last week. He went home with fresh stiches. But the biggest Urban Legend or so I thought was the object up butts. I really thought it was all made up. Until the patient with the vibrator so far shoved up the hiney that surgery was necessary. The kicker? It was still vibrating and you could hear it with the stethoscope over his abdomen…So now the truth is told

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Twitter twatter review

Because some days I am on the run I tweet my sarcasm instead of blogging it. So now that I have a few minutes to myself since the brood are all sleeping I shall expand my twitter goes

  1. Dear lord I believe I visited hell last night. Please give us a break tonight...thanks. sincerely dead on my feet. yup it was the full moon weekend and we were slammed. Actually had sick people which made for a long night.
  2. Dear sir visiting the ER for the flu 3 times in 2 days will NOT cure the flu, Dear ER Dr. when did dilaudid become the next flu drug? This one is 2 tweets in one. We actually had a patient come in for the flu 3 times in 2 days…the kicker? The dumb ass doctor gave them dilaudid for the pain. What the hell?
  3. So should I bring home the flu or how about the stomach flu...would it be bad if I wore a hazmat suit to work? I think most of the patients that are coming in have the flu or stomach bug. Ugh…the bad part even if I wear a mask before I go into the rooms I am not protected. Why? Because the one that came in for chest pain…turn out to be flu positive. Guess who coughed on me while doing the IV? Hazmat suit it is.
  4. Call the ambulance....I am having a panic money hard at work. Guy comes in with shortness of breath…leaves with diagnosis of anxiety. Apparently his girlfriend was fighting with him and he thought this would give him the pity card…the sad part he came by my taxes…via Medicaid ambulance. Yippee!
  5. If first u don't succeed come back in 8 hours for the new Dr. on call. Because we are to dumb to notice. Yup had this chick come back 8 hours later in hopes to get her drug of choice. Unfortunately we have bad news for you the nurses work 12 hours. We have no problem ratting you out.
  6. Did u know that if u cut ur toenail too short its an emergency and u should rush to the ER...dumbasses, PATIENT: Help I think my neck vein is going to exploded. yup you got it these 2 tweets one patient. When the short cut toe nail didn’t work. He must have rub his neck real good to get it red. Then told the doctor that his neck vein was going to explode…let just say he was discharged faster than his wait time.
  7. No sir placing your drunk ass in a gown does not make me horny. I have suddenly became a lesbian. I love the drunks that come in…not. They always smell of piss and haven’t shower in days. But they feel the need to tell me how hot I am or like the ass above that if I help him into his hospital gown I might get horny when I see his body. BARF! Yup smelly dirty hairy men dressed in a blue hospital dress turn me on baby. BLECH!
  8. Warning: watch when u zip your fly.. U never know what might get caught.. Ouch yup a guy got his twig n berries caught in his pant zipper ouch. I really did feel sorry for this one.
  9. Hmm alcohol and hot tub and snowing does not mix. Yup guy thought I would be great to get drunk and go skinny dipping in the neighbors hot tub. Mind you it was 19 degrees outside. Plus I can only guess he wasn’t in there the recommended time either.
  10. Pretending you can't pronounce the narcotic you want makes me just play stupid.I have no idea what dil dila didi.. the d on is...sorry Last and one of my favorites. The dumbasses that come in pretending they can’t pronounce their drug of choice. Me I play dumb too… changing the drug to some type of laxative…lol