Happy Gobble Gobble day.

So I thought I would wish my readers a wonderful thanksgiving.  Please pray for me as I embark on my annual in law get together.  Last year I lucked out and had to work.  Though I heard it was drama free.  Never fails the ex sister in law send her current husband’s kid to our family get together.  Who the heck sends their step kids to their ex’s house?  Messed up ones.  But any way.  I wanted to share some funny pics I found relating to Thanksgiving and the dreaded black Friday.  Are any of you trekking out to the stores on this crazy shopping day?  I did one year.  Words of advice don’t wear a coat no matter how cold it’s outside.  Because it 100 degrees in the store and of course you can’t have a buggy because that will just slow you down.  So hauling everything in your arms with a thick hot winter coat and starving half to death will just guarantee that you will pass out.  Not a good thing since you may get trampled and picked over by the vultures that are hoping you might drop that last pair of hot pink fuzzy pj pants that you got for your niece.  You know they want to wear that next year to Wal-Mart.  I will be sleeping as everyone else runs around trying to get that last lala loopsy crazy hair doll.   I will be working that night in the ER.  I can help stitch and supple crutches to the winner of the next new toy.So hope everyone has a drama free thanksgiving.

Shot of Reality: Really you are wearing that?

Dear PJ People,
I really don’t want to see what pajamas you wear at home.  Walking into the stores still dressed like you rolled of bed is just pure laziness.  I really have to contain myself from asking are you just that sorry?  Fuzzy pant pj’s belong at home not tucked into your winter boots or flips flops.  And really?  You wore your slippers too?  WTF
Sincerely, I learn to dress myself when I was a toddler
PS if you are too lazy to get dress for the day do us a favor be to lazy to leave the house.

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Dear Cell Phone Users,
There is a time and a place for cell phones.  There should be a law if you get caught using them in the wrong place we have the right to shove them where they don’t belong.  Like your butt!  Theaters are one place, standing in line at McDonalds and for those that can’t multitask the car might be another.  But the one that takes the cake for me.  Get the F*uck off the phone while I am triaging you.  Nothing proves your not a 10 on the scale when you texting and talking to me. 
Sincerely want to see if you can butt dial?
PS family who decides to come in with patient.  I don’t want to hear you dumb ass ring tones while trying to get a history from you loved one who is sick.  Take it outside asshole.

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Dear Er patients
The emergency room is not the place to have family get together.  Now if they are dying I am not talking about you.  This is for the “toothache patients” the “hemorrhoid patient” and the “broken” anything patients.  Do you have any idea just how sick people are while they are here?  If you visit healthy there is a good chance we may see you 3 days later with the stomach flu.  DUH.  Why anyone wants to bring their 3 month old to the ER while visiting a friend is beyond me.  Or how about the 8 family members that show up for the hemorrhoid patient.  Really you want the whole family there while we check out your ass?  I wish this ER would stick to the 2 family members per patient.  This might help keep my hallways clear of nosey family members
Sincerely working in an EMERGENCY ROOM not the Holiday Inn or Chucky Cheese.

Filet-o-nuts

So I have seen some gross and wild things from being a nurse.  Weirder ones now that I am an ER nurse but this next patient tops them all.  I had a patient that came in with testicular pain.  Which if this is a sudden pain make the patient Emergent because the chance they might be twisted.  Which can lead to many severe problems.  So I mark him Emergent and rush him to the next open room.  We proceed to get more info on him.  Apparently this gentleman of 50 some years old has been suffering from erectile dysfunction.  Because he was so frustrated he decided to try to cut his nuts off.  Right down the seam.  Looks pretty close to the picture above.  You could see his testicles because he cut the sack wide open.  We rushed and got the male doctor.  Who mind you is also a coroner.  (More stories on him later)  He walks in and says dear lord and walks right back out.  Tells the head nurse who is also male to get some wet dressing applied immediately while the surgeon is being called.  The Male nurse is doing this pee pee and kick in the nuts groin dance while being instructed on the dressing needed.  The doctor is still looking a little green while trying to tell the surgeon what this patient has done.  Wild…and is it weird that I wasn’t grossed out?  I was like cool.  While the male population looked at me in their various shades of green.  What?  I didn’t say I didn’t feel bad for him…I did at least shoot him up full of Morphine.

Happy Birthday Hope you like your gift.

Don't try this at home. You may end up in the ER with a scratched cornea. Just ask my husband. Gave him a scratched cornea for his birthday. Figured he didn't have one.  Hmmm I hope he doesn’t play this up for sex all month…or year.  Sheesh.  I swear it was an accident.

When you know your mind is dirty

Watch this and tell me you don’t hear it too.  I know I have a perv mind…but come on Tmobile…really?