Dear alcoholics

This post is dedicated to all the patients that come in drunk

Dear College Drunk,

Yes every year about this time you come in intoxicated, nearly dead, and usually injured.  Please realize you are new to drinking and you should pace yourself until you figure out your limit.  Why you ask?  Because if not you will die because your friends are too stupid to lay you on your side.  It's called aspiration on your own vomit.  Or how about out cold in the cold.  Its called hypothermia.  And last but not least a glass coffee table is not your friend when you decide to take a nose dive smack in the middle of it.

Sincerely,

Learn your limits dumbass

Dear Dead beat mom,

Make sure your kids are not home when you decided to come in by ambulance.   Tripping and falling and cutting your face to pieces will automatically get you an ETOH level.  Telling us that no one is home with your kids will also get you a call to the DSS.  

Sincerely,  your children are now in foster care

Dear Old man drunk,

No I do not want to climb in bed with you.  Nor do I think you are sexy.  Barf on your shirt, piss on your pants, the smell of alcohol on your breath and the fact you look like a hobo does not turn me on.

Sincerely, you are not sexy and I know it

Dear Mean Drunk,

Telling me you have no idea why your here and you just want to go home make me want to smack the shit out of you.  You are the one that called 911.  That is why you are here.  Why do I have to constantly tell you to get back in bed before you rip out your IV?  Hello do you want a bigger hole in your arm?  Wonderful there is now a trail of blood down the hall way where you yank your line out.  Aw darn you left the ER by eloping.

Sincerely, called the law they are picking you up and taking you in for drunk in public.  Your welcome

Dear Sir you are not having a stroke,

Your alcohol level is 3 times the limit.  Not sure why you have slurred speech?  Are you kidding me?  It's called being drunk dumb ass

Sincerely you sir are in major denial

Dear ETOH aka Drunk patient,

Your nurses love playing the game  who can guess your alcohol level the closest.  

Sincerely

Yea we have no life and apparently you don't either.

Here piggy piggy: weight loss tips

Just thought I would share some funny Weight loss tips and humor

Here piggy piggy

Yup it's that time again.  So I have become a member of the myfitnesspal.com and love it so far.  I love when  I put in my calories for the day and it tell me in 5 weeks if you eat like this you will weigh... and it puts your weight.  Which lately has been saying a weight I haven't seen in over 8 years.  I have lost 7 pounds since i got back on track.  The cool thing is I finally got the nerve enough to weight at the gym.  I knew I wasn't at the last weight I weigh in just yet but I wanted to know my muscle mass.  So I had to get on that dreaded scale.   Found out I was 6 pounds from my weight that I was in April earlier this year sad I know.  But the good new is that I have more muscle weight now than back when I was skinnier.  The gym guy told me I was technically only 2 pound heavier fat wise (BMI) now.  So even though I weigh more I have more muscle  weight.  That is awesome.  Here is a pic to explain:  Gross I know

So I am pretty proud of myself.  

What do we do now??

Yea I have to join the band wagon since it’s everywhere.  This year will be know as the year the Twinkie died.  Don’t get me wrong I love the Twinkie.  I can’t eat it now that I have dieting but it’s part of my childhood.  I remember eating them afterschool and in my school lunch.  The best way to eat them?  Frozen.  Freaking awesome!
The sad part is I never knew these things had the shelf life of forever.  So apparently people are buying these golden cakes up.  To store for later?  To share with grandchildren in years to come?  To enjoy slowly till you run out?  I think not to sell on EBAY duh.  These suckers are going for as much as 60 bucks a box.  Imagine what they will be when they get more scarce?      Who needs stock when you have boxes of Twinkies to sell?
What a sad world we live in.

Here Piggy Piggy: get off your ass

So I had done so well …lost 20 pound then was out for my neck/back and gained most of it back.  Then was just too lazy to get off my butt to do anything about it.  Sad part is I even have a gym membership.  But every time I would get ready to go to the gym I made up some excuse to put it off.  Until another month went by.  So after finally getting one size away from my “fat” jeans I decided that I was going to get back in shape if it killed me.   It first started out as weighing with 2 other nurses at work, getting back to the gym and eating right.  I was barely getting anywhere.  My mom on the other hand had lost 12 pounds already. I hadn’t done that well except when I was on Weight watcher, but who the heck can afford to stay on WW?  She then told me about this website that helps you count calories and it’s free.  Yea ok it probably sucks but sure I had to check it out.  The website ran almost parallel to weight watcher and it was free.  The only difference was one was points and this one was counting calories.  You simply put in your weight, activity level and your goal weight and then how many pounds a week you want to lose.  Then it calculates how many calories a day you can have in order to reach your goal.  I have been using it for about 1 week and lost 2 lbs. so I will continue using it.  You can even put in your exercises, like cardio, house cleaning, mowing, etc.  Then it will tell you how many calories you have burned and that get’s added to you daily allowance.  Which pretty much means if you want that pizza hut pizza just exercise a little more to give you more calories for the day.  So I don’t feel like I am keeping myself from the food I love.  The other thing that is great is that when I exercise my ass off I seriously think  hmmm is that chocolate chip cookie worth all that sweat and pain?  Not usually so I choose to eat a healthier snack or maybe just a couple of cookies instead of 4.  Here is the website.
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/
My 10 yr. anniversary will be next year and my goal is to lose enough weight to look great in a swim suit.
So My piggy piggy blogging will continue.