Thursday, March 1, 2012

Things that I wonder about to myself

There are days that I really do keep my mouth shut.  Surprising I know but I would love to speak what’s on my mind but I would like to avoid the hospital.  Especially since it’s full.  That’s another blog in itself.   So here goes.  By the way English experts my brain doesn’t always think in correct grammar. 
My wandering mind: Brought to from me but stealing the idea from my sister in law.  Sorry was a good steal. Check her out  click here.
Gym
  1. Wow spandex is not your friend
  2. Does my butt look like that in those same pants? God I hope not
  3. Wow why even wear shorts they look like they are painted on. Wish my ass looked like that.
  4. iPad at the gym?  What the heck no wonder why you can’t lose weight.  Get off the chair and iPad and get on the treadmill
  5. Omg grandpa just speed walked passed me.  Damn I must be fat and out of shape
  6. Ugh really I have only gone .5 miles?  My legs feel like Jell-O
  7. I really wanna quit.  I can do this.  That blonde is so fit.  I want to look like that.  Must continue on to no pain no gain…wait I don’t want to gain.  Um No Guts no Glory.  I must have a lot of glory because I sure have a lot of guts.
  8. Wow back off on the steroids dude…I mean ma’am
  9. Ouch ouch ouch.  I will not say that out loud as I go down the steps.  Oh shit there went my leg.  That would suck to tumble down the stairs.  Great the old lady asked if I was okay.  I was hoping no one saw that.
Work
  1. Really?  At 3am it’s an emergency to come in for cold and cough that you have had for 3 days.  Sure whatever.
  2. Do you think it’s broke? ~ Ma’am do I look like an x-ray machine?
  3. See this?  this rash what is it?  what can I do to make it go away? ~Bathe wow you smell.  Do I look like a doctor?
  4. I was here this morning and my child still is sick so I brought them back. ~ What OMG really let’s rush them back.  It’s a cold dumbass it doesn’t disappear after one dose of antibiotics.
  5. I know what you need to make you feel better.  Soap and water.  Well at least it would make the rest of the world feel better
  6. you stuck what where?
  7. Can I leave? I have to go to work. ~well sir had you not chew up a fentanyl patch you could and maybe the ambulance wouldn’t have needed to bring you the to ER tonight because you were dead there for a little while.  But sure by all means go to work and kill your coworker because YOU ARE STILL UNDER THE INFLUENCE…and stupid
  8. Smile I love my job I love my job.  It’s illegal to stab you with my pen.  Keep smiling.
  9. I really wish you would get off you ass and help.  A few of us are tired of doing it all.
  10. I really would like to bathe your kid for you.  Maybe show you how it’s done.
  11. yes ma’am I can tell you are really hurting if you don’t get off you iphone I might show you some pain. Gah!
  12. Really Dr Dumbass you can swab a kids nose for RSV?  you have to bitch about it while I am taking care of my CRITICAL patient.  Sure let me drop everything and get that for you.
Home
  1. Really I married you why?  ~I already have 2 kids
  2. Can you run this errand for me?  ~ hell no! so you can nap on your day off while I get one day off and do all the running.  I think not.
  3. What can you do to make me happy ? do you not hear me bitching every day?  pick one!
  4. eww dog really?  what died in your ass.  Gross, cough, gag blargh
  5. What do you have? Gross is that…that’s a used tissue.  What is wrong with you black dog.  Spit it out.
  6. I just cleaned this.  Did a tornado touch down in the living room and I missed it?
  7. I have 100 channels of nothing on TV.  I think I spend more time flipping than watching.
  8. Really no new shows till April?  They need another month off.  Damn I am in the wrong line of work.
  9. Can I trade you for another dog please.
  10. Yes dear you know all I know nothing.
Starbucks:
  1. Dear teen I think your wearing you mom’s sweat pants they are 3 times to big for you.
  2. Wow I didn’t know Pretty woman’s boots were real.
  3. this music makes me want to kill people
  4. I think the barista has had too much coffee or they are hiring people from the insane asylum.
  5. No I don’t want your stupid diarrhea whip cream on my coffee.  Yes you will remake it
  6. Omg I can see the new Olive Garden sign.  Yes this town is moving up in the redneck world about time
  7. Hi nope I have no idea who you are.  You look familiar.  Crap I am getting old.
  8. Did I mention my ears are bleeding from this music.  I think they must put this crap on to make you want to leave….sheesh.  Omg There is an old dude dancing to this crap.  Really?

5 comments:

Martina said...

I have thought pretty much all the ones in the Home section. lol

I don't know how you keep your sanity at work.

Lynda Halliger-Otvos said...

You have a knack for doing their voices--i bet you are a hoot live !~!

Tonja said...

Omg! I just found your blog on crazy daze & nights & joined immediately! I'm a nurse too, and your blog is great! Nice to finally see another nurse blog around...(obviously I don't get out much...)

www.mywarpedworld.blogspot.com

Crazed Nitwit said...

I completely relate to many of these. Thanks for the giggle!

Barfly said...

Holy crap, a blog that's scary, sexy and funny.....I'm in Nurse. I may need my vitals checked.