Never say never…

You would think I would know better since Nurses can be so superstitious.  You never say the Q word…quiet..or slow or many other things.  I know a nurse that had a really bad day when they brought a new pair a scissors and swear when she brings them she always has a rough day.  Other swear if they bring certain things to eat that require more time to eat it they won’t get a lunch.  Mine will be I have never had to ride in the back of an ambulance.  With in one week I had two rides…

Took my first patient with a brain bleed to the next biggest hospital because there was not another EMS to go with them.  They were afraid the patient would crash before they got to the hospital about an hour away.  Another few days later I went again with a patient that had a STEMI (heart attack)  that was intubated and not doing well.  Had to bag the patient all the way to the next hospital.   So in learning that lesson I shall try to never say never…

How bad do you need that cigarette?

I use to smoke and I quit.   Was it easy?  NO.  Do I still crave a cigarette?  Most days.  But because I am a nurse I see the effects of smoking long term.  I have many young people come in thinking I have plenty of time to quit.  I also have many patients that will never quit.  To me if I had a choice of breathing or cigarette…ummm breathing would always win.  How ever there are many COPD patients that will smoke and then put their oxygen back in their nose.  Most understand that they can’t smoke with their o2 in their nose.  So what did my patient do?  She put her o2 in her right hand and her cigarette in the left hand.  Take a drag of cigarette and then a drag of pure O2.  What’s the problem…she went up in flames.  Luckily someone was there to put her out.  2nd degree burns to the lips, hands and chest.  3rd degree burns to her breast and finger tips.  Singed her hair close to the scalp.  We ended up flying her to a burn center.  I am sorry but I don’t need to smoke that bad.  I would hope that would be a wake up call to QUIT SMOKING DUMBASS.  She was a sweet as could be but I really want to say…here’s your sign.

Your chief complaint is WHAT?

So I have had some weird crap that comes into the ER but this lady takes the cake and on top of it has just as crazy outcome. 

  When a patient signs in out front we can see the chief complaint that clerk puts in the computer.  Mom and son check in with abdominal pain.  Seems pretty legit.  Probably both have the stomach flu right?  Well the next step is to go into the triage area where the triage nurse gets history, vital signs and a little more story behind the chief complaint.  Here is what the complaint was.  Having abdominal pain and difficulty having a bowel movement…..then the bottom falls out of the note…sister in law is evil and putting a curse on her and thinks that the devil has caused this because of her sister in law’s curse. Next triage… the boy.  A 6 year old, who has kicked the nursing student that is following the triage nurse all because he didn’t want the pulse ox on his finger.  He is now screaming and carrying on so bad we can hear him on the other side of the ER.  So at this point we all have look at the triage note to see Mom stating that the child is “possessed by the devil due to a curse put on her and her son by her sister in law”.

 

Come on you know at this point we are all snickering.  The doctor who has now checked the computer to see what comes over and sprinkles bottle water on us “the power of Christ Compels you…bahahaha.  Which then lead all the nurse to poke fun.  Oh yea well …(NurseNightmare) has her rosary necklace on let’s send her in there to do an exorcism.  Yea I know we are some sick nurses but it keeps us sane.  Especially when the fun ends and life sneaks back in…what does comments like that mean?  Mental health call and removal of the kid by DSS.  Which sucks.   Upon talking to my patient she truly believes they were cursed and that her kid is possessed. To me that kid needs his butt spanked.  Holy Terror of hell…yea.  I think we all were waiting for his head to turn around. Anyway after all that was said and done because she wasn’t going to harm herself or anyone else she was RELEASED.  What the fuck?  What if tomorrow she decided that the only way to release the devil is drown him or she stabs him?  I am sorry I still think that she needed to be committed and for the Dad or Grandparent come get the kid.  What do you think?

You might be a nurse: Gross what is growing on you

Yea I have decided that you are a nurse when the weird and strange doesn’t gross you out.  I had this patient that came in with a subcutaneous horn growth on his arm.  He had it there since he was 9.  Looked like a shriveled yellowish gray penis.  Yea I know sick. Here is a pic on a lady’s head.

 

My life flashed before my eyes…spewing prayers and profanity.

 

(picture brought to you by the Happy Hospitalist, check out his site)

So in our area the weather has been awful.  Very crazy.  In one week we had 70 degree weather, torrential rains, tornadoes, sleet, ice and blizzards.  Fabulous right?  Well the job instructed us that we were to be at work no matter the weather.  I mean it’s not like they will pay to get my car out of the ditch.  Anyway took me twice as long to get to work because of the snow.  It was so bad I never got over 40 miles and hour on the interstate.  In fact at some points I had no idea what lane I was in.  I just love truck drivers that must have 9 lives or are immortal because they are still zooming by me at 70 miles and hour.  Which cause the snow, slush and ice to cover my car.  Causing me to be blinded, skidding and sliding and praying out loud.  I then, after getting control of the car, cuss at the SOB.  I came into work shaking like a leave.  More than normal cause usually I am high on caffeine.  Left the next morning only to get in a ditch at the house.  The one stupid day I forgot to wear my winter boots instead of my work shoes.  18 inches of snow and paper thin scrubs are not fun to trek in at all.

Would you like a menu?

There are a few ER doctors I swear will give out narcotics like candy.  Hmmm maybe we need a Ativan salt lick and a dilaudid bubble gum dispenser in the waiting room.  I mean I actually heard one say to her patient.  We have lortab, percocet or we can start and IV and give you some dilaudid.  What would you like us to do?  WTH .  They wonder why the world has drug addicts.  The stupid ER doctors are giving them their start.  I know one patient that was on klonopin, percocet, morphine, xanax for all her medical chronic pain issue.  If I took that I would be dead or intubated. 
I was really impressed with my neurologist.  If he puts you on a narcotic you are drug tested twice a year and they count your meds.  If you don’t have it in your system he takes you off of it and if you pills are short because you are abusing them he takes you off of it.  I think all doctors need to do this.  I am so tired of patients arrive to the Er for a medicine refill because they took their meds incorrectly and have run out.  Take it as prescribed.  Yea I know I am a bitch and uncaring person.  But hell I have chronic pain,it sucks. Do people understand?  Hell no.  Do I take my meds like I am suppose to?  Yes.  I also do this without the use of narcotics.  I still work full time.  I still had back surgery.  I still have stupid patients who pretend they can’t transfer from the chair to the bed, but will walk out on their own when they are discharged.  They don’t care the nurse is straining their back to help them.  I will still give you your pain meds but at least have the courtesy not to injure your nurse.

Zombies, Zombies and More Zombies

I have been busy reading.  What have I been reading?  Zombies of course.  Well that and some mixed with other supernaturals. 

Let’s start with warm bodies.  I really wanted to read the book before I go and watch the movie.  I was afraid the director would destroy the story line which happens often.  I haven’t completed the book yet.  It’s a different take on the whole end of the world the zombies are here.  You start out in the mind of a zombie and how they spend their day.  There is some mild humor.  Not as funny as zombie land but having this sick sense of humor I can see some mild humor.  Pretty much the main character get’s a crush on a human.  Who begins teaching him to be human again.  Not a bad concept but a little slow moving.  Its not one of those books that can put down.  More like a nice book that you put down and are happy to pick up again.  I will let you know how I rate it when I am finish.

The next book Flesh and Bone is my all time favorite Zombie series a definite must read.  In fact I read it a while back and impatiently waiting for the 4th book to come out Fire and Ash.  Which won’t be until Sept 2013.  Meaning I need to find other zombie books to bid my time. Here is some info on it brought to you from goodreads…another great book app. 

“But the Ruin is far more dangerous than any of them can imagine. They are hunted by fierce animals escaped from zoos and circuses. They must raid zombie-infested towns for food and medical supplies. They discover the very real truth in the old saying: In the Rot & Ruin…everything wants to kill you.”

My new favorite Zombie series is first days.  It’s nice to have some decent female leads.  One’s that are whiny. Now this series is the type that you can’t wait to read the next book.  I am actually waiting to read book 3 and biding my time with warm bodies to help savor the series a little more.  Here is some info on the book via goodreads

“Katie is driving to work one beautiful day when a dead man jumps into her car and tries to eat her.  That same morning, Jenni opens a bedroom door to find her husband devouring their toddler son.
Fate puts Jenni and Katie—total strangers—together in a pickup, fleeing the suddenly zombie-filled streets of the Texas city in which they live. Before the sun has set, they have become more than just friends and allies—they are bonded as tightly as any two people who have been to war together.
During their cross-Texas odyssey to find and rescue Jenni’s oldest son, Jenni discovers the joy of watching a zombie’s head explode when she shoots its brains out. Katie learns that she’s a terrific tactician—and a pretty good shot.
A chance encounter puts them on the road to an isolated, fortified town, besieged by zombies, where fewer than one hundred people cling to the shreds of civilization.
It looks like the end of the world. But Katie and Jenni and many others will do whatever they have to to stay alive. Run, fight, pick each other up when they stumble, fall in love…anything is possible at the end of the world”

 

Last is a nurse book with a supernatural twist.  It’s about this nurse who works on Y7 a ward that real world doesn’t know about.  It’s where sups like werewolves, vampires, shift changes and even zombies go when they get sick or injured.  I love the part where she is all dressed up in her sterile garb holding a tranq gun just in case the werewolves sedative wears off while changing his dressings.  I love the nursing aspect and the supernaturals in the story.  I would love to work there…lol

So there are my stories…please if you have any great ones to read leave me a comment. 

Romance is dead

I have come to the conclusion that the romance in my life is dead.  I really wish it was as easy as using jumper cables or cardioverting it back into life.  But I fear it’s gone and there is no hope for it’s return.  I am not one of those mushy type of people but it  would be nice if my man would go out of his way every once in awhile.  How about a complement even if you have to lie.  Ugh.  I don’t want flowers or candy.  I just want courtesy, less cussing and maybe being more important than your beer.  Is that asking too much?  Some days I feel like I a roommate with conjugal visits.   Even those are getting fewer and fewer.  Because dear if you didn’t go to bed at 8pm before the kids you might get some more often.  I am so tired of you bitching about getting none yet I can remember the last time you really said anything nice.  You know a complement can go a long way.  I know you can do it you work in retail and know how to give nice customer service.  Just use that same sweet polite voice for you wife every now and then.  What’s even sadder I have no idea when our last date night was.  So people how the hell do you jump start your marriage?

Grinds my gears: Dr Dumbass

So I get along with all my ER doctors, which is over 10 of them.  All but one…Dr Dumbass is her name.  I have no idea where the hell she got her degree but I guess someone has to be the bottom of the class percentile.   Let me show you a glimpse of her dumbassedness (made up word I know).  We use to carry around IV trays.  It had the needles, start kits and tubes and whatever else we needed to start an IV.  She actually wanted us to store ice on it so we would be prepared to grab a lactic acid (blood draw that needs to be put on ice asap).  We all looked at her in the meeting like um…wth.  Does she not realize the ice will melt and be water?  See what I am dealing with.
Well this past weekend she actually pissed of the whole crew.  That is pretty amazing.  First she pissed of a nurse that is never angry.  She was upset that the patient wasn’t placed into a gown.  This is why the nurse did not.  The patient was in a gown…however the pants, shoes and socks were still on.  The patient had obviously broken his ankle.  The nurse knew the doctor was bad for signing up for a patient and not seeing them forever.  The high top shoe was helping hold it in the correct position and he knew as soon as the shoe came off the swelling would be bad and wanted the doctor to remove the shoe.  He was trying to avoid more damage.  “For a broken ankle/foot, use a soft splint (a pillow or a heavy towel) to immobilize the area. The person's shoe should not be removed.” college of emergency medicine excerpt.  She bad mouthed him in front of the patient with another nurse.  Which was inappropriate. 
Next she highly pissed me off.   I was triage nurse and had a shortness of breath infant.  Mind you we get a lot of shortness of breath only to find out it’s just congestion.  However when mom uncovered infant from car seat I could tell he was having difficulty.  I scooped him up, weighed him quickly and headed to an open room.  Called the doctor over our volcera and another nurse to assist.   The only thing I had in the computer was Shortness of breath x1 day congestion x 2 with fever per mom.  When the doctor arrived I was placing the infant on the monitor and the other nurse was getting the IV stuff ready.  She barked orders to get a line and o2.  I was already in the process of getting o2 on.  He was 89% on room air and using all of his little muscles to breathe. I explained to the doctor that I had a weight and vitals except temp.  I would get it after the line was completed. We both attempted with no luck.  He was very dehydrated.  Respiratory arrived and I let them do a treatment first and explained to the doctor I had not forgotten the temp.  She said that is fine.  After the treatment and IV access I obtained a temp.  This is all within 10 mins of the infant arriving.  The nurse that was helping me over heard her bad mouthing me to the other doctors about incomplete vital signs.  I was pissed.  I had to avoid her the rest of the night because of I was afraid I would go off on her.
Next she was the one that was pushing for the undress for success.  She doesn’t care why you are here you will be completely naked and place in a gown.  Every time I was assessing my patient she would rush in.  I made it a point to say I sorry you didn’t give me enough time to get them in the gown and get your urine for you yet.  She was too stupid to understand I was being sarcastic.   I really hate this lady.  I really don’t think she understands.  She can power trip us all she wants, Bad mouth me in front of my patients, and be a know it all she wants but I will never be extra helpful like I am to the other doctors.  I will never automatically get a urine or blood without her orders in the system.  The other doctors will be first in their requests.  I will never make your job easier.  I will always correctly educate my patients and take care of their needs first but never for your convenience.   You will learn if you piss of your nurses you will never earn their respect nor their willingness to help you out.

As the Redneck World turns: Party Poopers

Okay so this episode of redneck world turns brings us to my nieces birthday party.  Nothing funny about this…but I have come to realize that my brother- in-law is an ass.  Wait let me rephrase that.  I knew he was one this just makes him a bigger one.  He never treats his step daughter like a real daughter.  She is always a second class citizen.  I see it all the time when he dotes on his little blood child.  Which is really sad because this child really needs a father figure in her life since her real father is a dead beat.  My sister in law was telling me that all the kids got 50 bucks for their birthday…she got 8 bucks.  What the *&@*.  I mean I know I only gave her 10 bucks but that is really sad that her “father” gave her barely anything.  I really want to hit him with a baseball bat. I mean I knew he treats his woman like shit but a kid?  What is wrong with people.  She’s not dumb. I know she knows he treats her different.  Of course my man says stay out of it.  Though I really wanted to tell him you can buy beer and cigarettes but no gift for this kid?  What a dead beat.  Which leads me to my next complaint.  When you have a birthday party it’s only polite not to smoke while you have guests.  The kids at the party hell his kids don’t need to be around that crap.  That is one of the reasons I left early.  I would have loved to stay and chat to my sister in law since I haven’t seen her in forever but the smog was so bad I had to leave.  Ever since this last cold my lungs cannot tolerate the smoke.  I just hope she realizes I didn’t leave on her account but on his sorry ass for not being considerate.