As the Redneck World turns: Party Poopers

Okay so this episode of redneck world turns brings us to my nieces birthday party.  Nothing funny about this…but I have come to realize that my brother- in-law is an ass.  Wait let me rephrase that.  I knew he was one this just makes him a bigger one.  He never treats his step daughter like a real daughter.  She is always a second class citizen.  I see it all the time when he dotes on his little blood child.  Which is really sad because this child really needs a father figure in her life since her real father is a dead beat.  My sister in law was telling me that all the kids got 50 bucks for their birthday…she got 8 bucks.  What the *&@*.  I mean I know I only gave her 10 bucks but that is really sad that her “father” gave her barely anything.  I really want to hit him with a baseball bat. I mean I knew he treats his woman like shit but a kid?  What is wrong with people.  She’s not dumb. I know she knows he treats her different.  Of course my man says stay out of it.  Though I really wanted to tell him you can buy beer and cigarettes but no gift for this kid?  What a dead beat.  Which leads me to my next complaint.  When you have a birthday party it’s only polite not to smoke while you have guests.  The kids at the party hell his kids don’t need to be around that crap.  That is one of the reasons I left early.  I would have loved to stay and chat to my sister in law since I haven’t seen her in forever but the smog was so bad I had to leave.  Ever since this last cold my lungs cannot tolerate the smoke.  I just hope she realizes I didn’t leave on her account but on his sorry ass for not being considerate.

Shot of Reality: Mother of the year

It is just amazing what you see in the ER.  There are some really uneducated people and there are just stupid people.  Just to define the two for those that don’t know there is a difference uneducated means not educated, lack of education or just don’t know any better.  Stupid people are people to lazy to do anything about it, no matter how much you teach them they will do the opposite and make me wish mandatory sterilization was legal again.  So this entry is dedicated to the  “special” moms aka dumbass in my ER or in this redneck area.  Now mind you there are the first time mom’s that bring their kids in for every little sniffle.  These are not the moms I am referring too.

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Dear Deadbeat Mom,
Do you know where you 14 yr old daughter is?  I do.  She is in my ER with a huge laceration to the back of her head.  Who brought her in?  Some 18 yr old and 22 yr old guys.  Guess what she won’t give me your telephone number.  Why?  She’s intoxicated. 
Sincerely,
Nevermind she’s not even living with you she lives with her 19yr old sister who could care less. Fabulous.  Guess what apparently the doctor doesn’t care either because they released her to those guys.  FYI your daughter is a tramp.

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Dear Back Pain mom,
Yes I understand that you have back pain but did you have to bring the entire family.  You mother could have kept the 3 small children at home.  Lovely do you think maybe you could please keep your kids from using my scale as a jungle gym.  Now they are playing with wheelchairs, jumping off the bed.
Sincerly ,  Whoops sorry I pissed you off by reprimanding your brats but its amazing how fast they stopped after I took charge.

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Dear Grow some Balls mother,
What seems to bring you here today?  Your 4 yr old won’ t take her medication to help keep her fever down.  So you brought her out in 18 inches of snow, ignored the please don’t be on the roads except in emergencies, and braved the ice just so we could shove Tylenol up her butt. 
Sincerely it’s time to take the booby out of the brats mouth.
Ps  I found it very amusing when the brat screamed and kicked about getting meds up her ass.  Exactly why I explained to her that taking her orange flavored motrin would be a lot easier and I hope that she does take it or the remaining doses will have to be the same. 

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Dear germ spreading mom,
Just in case you are not aware but this is one of the worst years for the flu.  So when I am educating you and your brood of children please take heed.  Letting them crawl around on the floor where people have puke, shit or bled on isn’t the best place for them to be.  Allowing them to put everything in their mouth during the flu season while you are here for you belly pain is a good sign you will be back next week with flu like symptoms.
Sincerly , did you really just let that pacifier hit the floor and pop it back into that kids mouth???

Here piggy piggy: Quit complaining and updates

Well it has been awhile since I have updated.  I have lost 26 pounds since I started about a year ago.  The last 18 have been since October.  I am really proud of myself.  I know that I will have to eat healthy for the rest of my life and continue to have an active lifestyle.  I know this is a life change not just a phase.  If I want to keep it off I will always have to work hard.  The problem I am having is those that jumped on the band wagon and are not doing so well.  I have tried to be supportive, give suggestions and told them the program that I am doing.  Which is free.  I even gave them dvd names and invited them to join me at the gym.  5bucks a day when you go with me.  Not to bad.  When I invite them they are always busy or too tired. When it’s time to weight I always here I have been bad this week.  Which is turning into every week.  What really irritated me was when I was asked how much have I lost so far and I told the person.  The other person commented it’s not as easy for me as it is for you.  What the hell?  I do work my ass off.  I do have bad days but I don’t wallow in self pity.  I just pick up and do better the next time.  I listen to suggestions of others that have succeeded.   I want this bad enough.  I am tired of being tired.  Tired of my knees hurting!  Tired of looking like a fat blimp in clothing.  I empowered myself to lose weight.  I didn’t try to starve myself or get the quick fix like the others were.  You can’t eat 400 calories a day and expect to stay on that diet.  You can’t continue to eat at fast food restaurants and expect to lose.  It’s a life change.  If you don’t honestly record every calorie then you are cheating on your diet.  The only person it hurts is yourself.  I don’t care if you cheat.  Doesn’t hurt me one bit.  But what pisses me off is people running their mouth making it sound like it was easy for me.  I sweated my ass off.  I went to the gym after work and gave up Starbucks 450 calorie drinks.  I swore off McDonald's.  So until you do that don’t tell me how hard it is.  Still eating what you want isn’t hard at all.   I will be happy to help anyway I can but don’t rain on my parade for all that I have accomplished.  But hell yea I look fabulous in my jeans now.  You can be gorgeous no matter you size what makes you ugly is putting yourself down.  Don’t complain about being fat if you don’t have the courage to make a change.  If you need help I will always be here to help you all you have to do is ask.

The Starbucks hour

So I decided that I really need to sit down and blog.  But the more I try the less I seem to get accomplished.  Why do you ask?  Because being a mother, house wife and nurse it seem there is no time for myself anymore.  I use to go to Starbucks and write my blogs.  My one place to get away and get caffeinated.  Problem is this new diet has pretty much cut Starbucks out.  I mean one drink would be a whopping 450 calories and every once in awhile I would splurge and get one of those awesome banana walnut bread another whopping 490 calories and who the hell can eat half?  So I did find a solution.  I love their blonde willow brew.  Which means I can brew it at home at 16 calories for every 8 cups.  Did I mention I drink probably 10 cups to equal the caffeine I need to get the jolt the triple shot of espresso white chocolate would give me.  Sad I know so I get the energy to make it through my night shift but I find myself peeing myself to death.  Which is a hard task to do as a nurse since it never seem like you get time to go.   So I splurged today and I am currently typing this at Starbucks in hopes to complete my many blogs that are dancing around in my head.  Of course I didn’t get the 450 calorie drink and opted for the Skinny chai latte instead.  Tea instead of coffee.  What is the world coming to.  This Starbucks addict is seriously missing my triple shot white chocolate mocha.  However my smaller ass is making it easier to deal with.   I see new faces at the Starbucks today.  I was not greeted by my name this time which means I have definitely not been here in awhile.  It was bad.  They usually would ask me how many I was getting today for the coworkers and would I be hanging out for a little while before I ordered them.  So I kick off this month of blogs in remembrance of my many visits to Starbucks.  I am hoping to complete a few today and have them post every few days.  Here’s to getting back to blogging.

Holiday Flu Blues

Why the heck would you want to come to the ER on Christmas?  Apparently it’s a popular thing in my area.  In fact most people assumed we wouldn’t be busy so they waited to come in then.  WRONG!  In fact there was a 3 hour wait in the ER.  Which doesn’t sound bad but all 29 rooms were completely full with the staff of about 7 nurses and a 3 doctors.  Most of the people that showed up were there for the flu.  There is no cure for the flu so running to you local ER isn’t going to fix it.  Having the flu does make you feel like you are dying.  I had it.  Lasted 5 days of hell.  Best thing I took?  MOTRIN…which is over the counter.   Tamiflu is over priced and over rated.  People think it’s the cure for the flu.  At best it may shave off a day of the flu.  Not worth the 200 dollar price tag if you don’t have insurance.  Now if you have the stomach flu and can’t keep anything down then by all means come to the ER so we can pump you full of fluids.  But the regular aches, chills and fevers can be took care of at home.  STOP COMING OUT AND SPREADING IT!

 

The most whiny people?  You would think it would be the little kids…nope 16-25yrs old.  I have never seen people act like they were dying.  I actually had a girl tell me she was dying and refused to put her mask on because of it.  WTF.  So you would rather infect the entire ER with it  Fabulous…do me a favor sit next to the guy with the finger pain x 6months…he deserves to get it too.  Had another tell me that he deserved to go straight back because he was dying.  NO vomiting.  Just fever and body aches.  Sure lets take you straight back to the trauma room.  Because you are dying much more than the guy who went through the windshield of his car and is bleeding to death.  Let me wheel him out in the waiting room so you can have his room.

Please wear a mask.  I have never seen so many noncompliant patients in all my life.  As a courtesy to other please wear a mask if you have flu like symptoms.  The other people that are there for broken bones or lacerations really don’t need to get sick.  In fact I told one asshole to please wear his mask because the 88yr old lady with the broken hip doesn’t want to die because they caught the flu from you.  Yea I know I am such a bitch.  Please feel free to cough on the guy who has been here 3 times this week for his bruised leg who swears it’s really broke despite the x-rays proving it’s not.

Last but not least you are not invincible if you have the flu shot.  I know this for a fact.  I was made by my employer to have the shot.  3 weeks later I had flu A..yippee.  Never had the flu before.  I see so many stupid people at the ER.  STOP bringing you kids and family member who aren’t there to be seen by a doctor.  This is not the place to have family get togethers. The flu is so rampant if you aren’t sick while visiting the asshole next to you who won’t wear his mask will be happy to share it with you.

Dear alcoholics

This post is dedicated to all the patients that come in drunk

Dear College Drunk,

Yes every year about this time you come in intoxicated, nearly dead, and usually injured.  Please realize you are new to drinking and you should pace yourself until you figure out your limit.  Why you ask?  Because if not you will die because your friends are too stupid to lay you on your side.  It's called aspiration on your own vomit.  Or how about out cold in the cold.  Its called hypothermia.  And last but not least a glass coffee table is not your friend when you decide to take a nose dive smack in the middle of it.

Sincerely,

Learn your limits dumbass

Dear Dead beat mom,

Make sure your kids are not home when you decided to come in by ambulance.   Tripping and falling and cutting your face to pieces will automatically get you an ETOH level.  Telling us that no one is home with your kids will also get you a call to the DSS.  

Sincerely,  your children are now in foster care

Dear Old man drunk,

No I do not want to climb in bed with you.  Nor do I think you are sexy.  Barf on your shirt, piss on your pants, the smell of alcohol on your breath and the fact you look like a hobo does not turn me on.

Sincerely, you are not sexy and I know it

Dear Mean Drunk,

Telling me you have no idea why your here and you just want to go home make me want to smack the shit out of you.  You are the one that called 911.  That is why you are here.  Why do I have to constantly tell you to get back in bed before you rip out your IV?  Hello do you want a bigger hole in your arm?  Wonderful there is now a trail of blood down the hall way where you yank your line out.  Aw darn you left the ER by eloping.

Sincerely, called the law they are picking you up and taking you in for drunk in public.  Your welcome

Dear Sir you are not having a stroke,

Your alcohol level is 3 times the limit.  Not sure why you have slurred speech?  Are you kidding me?  It's called being drunk dumb ass

Sincerely you sir are in major denial

Dear ETOH aka Drunk patient,

Your nurses love playing the game  who can guess your alcohol level the closest.  

Sincerely

Yea we have no life and apparently you don't either.

Here piggy piggy: weight loss tips

Just thought I would share some funny Weight loss tips and humor

Here piggy piggy

Yup it's that time again.  So I have become a member of the myfitnesspal.com and love it so far.  I love when  I put in my calories for the day and it tell me in 5 weeks if you eat like this you will weigh... and it puts your weight.  Which lately has been saying a weight I haven't seen in over 8 years.  I have lost 7 pounds since i got back on track.  The cool thing is I finally got the nerve enough to weight at the gym.  I knew I wasn't at the last weight I weigh in just yet but I wanted to know my muscle mass.  So I had to get on that dreaded scale.   Found out I was 6 pounds from my weight that I was in April earlier this year sad I know.  But the good new is that I have more muscle weight now than back when I was skinnier.  The gym guy told me I was technically only 2 pound heavier fat wise (BMI) now.  So even though I weigh more I have more muscle  weight.  That is awesome.  Here is a pic to explain:  Gross I know

So I am pretty proud of myself.  

What do we do now??

Yea I have to join the band wagon since it’s everywhere.  This year will be know as the year the Twinkie died.  Don’t get me wrong I love the Twinkie.  I can’t eat it now that I have dieting but it’s part of my childhood.  I remember eating them afterschool and in my school lunch.  The best way to eat them?  Frozen.  Freaking awesome!
The sad part is I never knew these things had the shelf life of forever.  So apparently people are buying these golden cakes up.  To store for later?  To share with grandchildren in years to come?  To enjoy slowly till you run out?  I think not to sell on EBAY duh.  These suckers are going for as much as 60 bucks a box.  Imagine what they will be when they get more scarce?      Who needs stock when you have boxes of Twinkies to sell?
What a sad world we live in.

Here Piggy Piggy: get off your ass

So I had done so well …lost 20 pound then was out for my neck/back and gained most of it back.  Then was just too lazy to get off my butt to do anything about it.  Sad part is I even have a gym membership.  But every time I would get ready to go to the gym I made up some excuse to put it off.  Until another month went by.  So after finally getting one size away from my “fat” jeans I decided that I was going to get back in shape if it killed me.   It first started out as weighing with 2 other nurses at work, getting back to the gym and eating right.  I was barely getting anywhere.  My mom on the other hand had lost 12 pounds already. I hadn’t done that well except when I was on Weight watcher, but who the heck can afford to stay on WW?  She then told me about this website that helps you count calories and it’s free.  Yea ok it probably sucks but sure I had to check it out.  The website ran almost parallel to weight watcher and it was free.  The only difference was one was points and this one was counting calories.  You simply put in your weight, activity level and your goal weight and then how many pounds a week you want to lose.  Then it calculates how many calories a day you can have in order to reach your goal.  I have been using it for about 1 week and lost 2 lbs. so I will continue using it.  You can even put in your exercises, like cardio, house cleaning, mowing, etc.  Then it will tell you how many calories you have burned and that get’s added to you daily allowance.  Which pretty much means if you want that pizza hut pizza just exercise a little more to give you more calories for the day.  So I don’t feel like I am keeping myself from the food I love.  The other thing that is great is that when I exercise my ass off I seriously think  hmmm is that chocolate chip cookie worth all that sweat and pain?  Not usually so I choose to eat a healthier snack or maybe just a couple of cookies instead of 4.  Here is the website.
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/
My 10 yr. anniversary will be next year and my goal is to lose enough weight to look great in a swim suit.
So My piggy piggy blogging will continue.