It's not that I want to see you bleed...I just want to be there when it happens
Monday, October 10, 2011
Vampire’s galore
Okay so the start of a new work week means we need to switch from Zombies to Vampires. So for the next few days and blogs we will look at the greatest vampires in books, movies and my life. Yup I never told you about the vampires in my life? Well hang tight and find out this week. See you then…Let’s start off with the Vampire Hunk of all time! Here he is from the awesome series Trueblood:
Sunday, October 9, 2011
So you want to die
10. Be a Camp Counselor- Fun Summer job, right? You get to wear shorts at work, go swimming, do arts and crafts, wind up at the bottom of the lake with a branch through your face...um...what was that? Yeah. Don't you know? This job is more deadly than being an ice trucker. Hate the thought of going back to school? Be a counselor. You'll never go anywhere again. Wanna get it over quickly? Do any of the things below to make sure you are the first to go. Wanna live? Work at the mall.
9. Ignore the Local Crazy- You know the ones I mean. They run around town spouting about the end of the world, saying things like "You'll never come back again" or "it's got a death curse." They could be warning you of certain death in ghastly ways...or they could just be off their meds. I say, "why take the chance?" Leaving then and there could make you look like a puss but you would at least be alive to get teased about it. I'd rather be a living puss than a dead dumbass.
8. Read Strange Writings From a Book Bound in Skin- This falls directly under the heading "What the Hell is Wrong With You?" Do you speak this language? No?! Then don't read it aloud. You have no idea what you are saying or who you might piss off. This goes for tape recordings too. Just because you aren't the one saying it does not make it okay. And think about this. What happened to the original owner of the book? Where are they, huh? Yeah, I thought so. You come across something like this...leave it alone.
7. Check Out the Noise- What was that? Did you hear it? No is the only answer that may keep you alive. If there was a noise, something nasty probably made it. My best advice? Run away at least until daylight. Nothing bad happens in the daylight, right? Well of course it can but your chances of survival are exponentially greater when the Sun is up. In the meantime, stop doing anything that will get you killed (see below) and be prepared. It will get to you eventually so there is no need to rush things. Use this time wisely by sharpening a tool or setting a fire to toss it in or boiling some water to throw at it. Use your imagination but DO NOT go see. Do you really wanna know what it was anyway? Even if it was just a cat or a raccoon, you know what that means. False scare. The real one is right around the corner.
6. Go in the Basement- Basements are dank, dark, damp and dark. Oh did I say "dark" twice? You bet your endangered ass I did. Dark means shadows and shadows are places to hide. The basement holds a myriad of dangers. Hands (or claws) reaching through those rickety stairs, things lurking behind water heaters, and windows too small to crawl through if you need to escape. These places are better known as Death Traps. No way to avoid it? Bring a buddy and a two-by-four. Better yet? Make your buddy go. When you hear his screams you will have ample opportunity to get the Hell outta Dodge.
5. Joke About Getting Killed- You may the jokester of the group, but a bad sense of humor will put you on the fast track to the morgue. If after ignoring the local crazy you get the bright idea of jumping out at your friends or wearing a mask or making fun of the local legend, then you deserve whatever you get. You are being stupid. I won't expect to see you around by the third act. You will be the one I find later hanging from a coat hook on the back of a door or swinging from a rope in the hayloft or Heaven forbid, dying right in front of your friends who have seen too much of your crap to believe you. Ever hear of the boy who cried Serial Killer? Me neither. Don't be the first.
4. Mock the Dead or Be Irreverent in any Form- Ever notice how the assholes never make it to be the heroes? Yeah, you keep that close in your brain when you are thinking about dancing on someone's grave or digging up a corpse to party. It's not nice to show disrespect and it usually gets rewarded in messy, messy ways. If you see any of your friends committing these heinous acts, don't even bother to stop them. It may be too late. I recommend you get in the car and haul ass while it still runs. You wait too long and you know as well as I that you aren't getting out. And once the spirits are pissed, they don't care who was responsible. If you are still around then you either did it or supported it. They don't care which.
3. Get Drunk- These last three are no-brainers. Well you would think they would be. But teens and young adults keep doing it and keep getting killed. Let me tell you again. If you are in the woods, at a party in the middle of nowhere (which is stupid anyway), at camp, creeping around an old house or anywhere else that is questionable, be the designated driver. If you are lucky you'll need one. If not so lucky, at least you won't be too hammered to find your own way out. And if you are thoughtless enough to get drunk, for pity's sake DO NOT wander off alone. That includes peeing in the woods. Just because you have the equipment to go anywhere doesn't mean you should.
2. Smoke Pot- Once again, the sin factor comes into play. Firing up the MaryJane is the equivalent of inviting the ax-wielding killer to do you in. And don't think offering him any will change his mind. He knows that the best way to get the job done is to have his wits about him. Chances are that his revenge is based on some pot-smoking teens anyway. You won't score any points like that. Besides, you get stoned and you are too damned lazy to run away. But then I guess the upside of that is that maybe you just won't care enough to get scared. One second you are giggling at cartoons. The next, BAM!!! I guess if you have to commit one of the three, this would be the least painless way to go.
1. Have Sex- There have been warnings about this for years and not just in horror movies. The hook on the car handle, Little Red Riding Hood (a young girl coming of age and meeting a hungry stranger), The Bible. And when teens have refused to heed those warnings, along came the psycho killer. It's like he has some sort of Roll-in-the-Haydar. You peel off those clothes and he'll be peeling off your face. I do believe there are ways around this. Trust me, this is one I find hard-pressed to give up. So I advocate safe sex. Sex in groups may be the only answer. Then just make sure you aren't the ones nearest the door or window that could get attacked. Once you see the slaughter commence, beat a hasty retreat and continue the canoodling at a safer time and place. Don't have a group or don't feel comfortable? Hold it in. You can't risk giving in to folly at a time like that. Think about Grandma (assuming that's a turn OFF) and wait, wait, wait.
9. Ignore the Local Crazy- You know the ones I mean. They run around town spouting about the end of the world, saying things like "You'll never come back again" or "it's got a death curse." They could be warning you of certain death in ghastly ways...or they could just be off their meds. I say, "why take the chance?" Leaving then and there could make you look like a puss but you would at least be alive to get teased about it. I'd rather be a living puss than a dead dumbass.
8. Read Strange Writings From a Book Bound in Skin- This falls directly under the heading "What the Hell is Wrong With You?" Do you speak this language? No?! Then don't read it aloud. You have no idea what you are saying or who you might piss off. This goes for tape recordings too. Just because you aren't the one saying it does not make it okay. And think about this. What happened to the original owner of the book? Where are they, huh? Yeah, I thought so. You come across something like this...leave it alone.
7. Check Out the Noise- What was that? Did you hear it? No is the only answer that may keep you alive. If there was a noise, something nasty probably made it. My best advice? Run away at least until daylight. Nothing bad happens in the daylight, right? Well of course it can but your chances of survival are exponentially greater when the Sun is up. In the meantime, stop doing anything that will get you killed (see below) and be prepared. It will get to you eventually so there is no need to rush things. Use this time wisely by sharpening a tool or setting a fire to toss it in or boiling some water to throw at it. Use your imagination but DO NOT go see. Do you really wanna know what it was anyway? Even if it was just a cat or a raccoon, you know what that means. False scare. The real one is right around the corner.
6. Go in the Basement- Basements are dank, dark, damp and dark. Oh did I say "dark" twice? You bet your endangered ass I did. Dark means shadows and shadows are places to hide. The basement holds a myriad of dangers. Hands (or claws) reaching through those rickety stairs, things lurking behind water heaters, and windows too small to crawl through if you need to escape. These places are better known as Death Traps. No way to avoid it? Bring a buddy and a two-by-four. Better yet? Make your buddy go. When you hear his screams you will have ample opportunity to get the Hell outta Dodge.
5. Joke About Getting Killed- You may the jokester of the group, but a bad sense of humor will put you on the fast track to the morgue. If after ignoring the local crazy you get the bright idea of jumping out at your friends or wearing a mask or making fun of the local legend, then you deserve whatever you get. You are being stupid. I won't expect to see you around by the third act. You will be the one I find later hanging from a coat hook on the back of a door or swinging from a rope in the hayloft or Heaven forbid, dying right in front of your friends who have seen too much of your crap to believe you. Ever hear of the boy who cried Serial Killer? Me neither. Don't be the first.
4. Mock the Dead or Be Irreverent in any Form- Ever notice how the assholes never make it to be the heroes? Yeah, you keep that close in your brain when you are thinking about dancing on someone's grave or digging up a corpse to party. It's not nice to show disrespect and it usually gets rewarded in messy, messy ways. If you see any of your friends committing these heinous acts, don't even bother to stop them. It may be too late. I recommend you get in the car and haul ass while it still runs. You wait too long and you know as well as I that you aren't getting out. And once the spirits are pissed, they don't care who was responsible. If you are still around then you either did it or supported it. They don't care which.
3. Get Drunk- These last three are no-brainers. Well you would think they would be. But teens and young adults keep doing it and keep getting killed. Let me tell you again. If you are in the woods, at a party in the middle of nowhere (which is stupid anyway), at camp, creeping around an old house or anywhere else that is questionable, be the designated driver. If you are lucky you'll need one. If not so lucky, at least you won't be too hammered to find your own way out. And if you are thoughtless enough to get drunk, for pity's sake DO NOT wander off alone. That includes peeing in the woods. Just because you have the equipment to go anywhere doesn't mean you should.
2. Smoke Pot- Once again, the sin factor comes into play. Firing up the MaryJane is the equivalent of inviting the ax-wielding killer to do you in. And don't think offering him any will change his mind. He knows that the best way to get the job done is to have his wits about him. Chances are that his revenge is based on some pot-smoking teens anyway. You won't score any points like that. Besides, you get stoned and you are too damned lazy to run away. But then I guess the upside of that is that maybe you just won't care enough to get scared. One second you are giggling at cartoons. The next, BAM!!! I guess if you have to commit one of the three, this would be the least painless way to go.
1. Have Sex- There have been warnings about this for years and not just in horror movies. The hook on the car handle, Little Red Riding Hood (a young girl coming of age and meeting a hungry stranger), The Bible. And when teens have refused to heed those warnings, along came the psycho killer. It's like he has some sort of Roll-in-the-Haydar. You peel off those clothes and he'll be peeling off your face. I do believe there are ways around this. Trust me, this is one I find hard-pressed to give up. So I advocate safe sex. Sex in groups may be the only answer. Then just make sure you aren't the ones nearest the door or window that could get attacked. Once you see the slaughter commence, beat a hasty retreat and continue the canoodling at a safer time and place. Don't have a group or don't feel comfortable? Hold it in. You can't risk giving in to folly at a time like that. Think about Grandma (assuming that's a turn OFF) and wait, wait, wait.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Halloween Meme: From Texan Zombie Goddess
I found this over at Adventures of a Texan Zombie Goddess and figured I would steal it. :P Here we go:
1. Which urban legend scared the jeebus out of you when you were a kid? Saying bloody Mary in the mirror…you couldn’t pay me to say it.
2. Which horror movie has the best premise? Saw
3. What is the most disappointing "treat" to receive in your bag on Halloween night? Those nasty black and orange wrapped candy…bleck
4. What's the best non-candy item to receive? The vampire teeth or stickers
5. Did a monster live in your closet as a child? Of course why do you think I slept with so many stuff animals as a kid…they protect you. Lol
6. Which supernatural creature sent chills up your spine as a kid and still does? This sounds silly but Corn…it scares the crap out of me. I had a cornfield in front of my house growing up and after watching children of the corn I was never the same.
7. Which supernatural creature makes you yawn?Frankenstein or the creature of the black lagoon
8. What's your favorite Halloween decoration? Pumpkins, graves and blood.
9. If you could be anywhere on Halloween night, where would you be? At a haunted house in an old abandoned mental asylum.
10. What's the scariest book you've read so far this year? Nothing real scary but some cool ones like the Cell by Stephen King. Death and Decay was a great zombie book too.
11. Haunted houses or hayrides? Both a Haunted Hayride…very creepy
12. Which Stephen King novel/movie would you least like to find yourself trapped in? Tie between IT and Children of the Corn.
13. Which is creepiest: evil dolls, evil pets or evil children? Evil kids hands down. If you know your evil doll lore they leave you alone if you respect dolls. Kids…your screwed. The creepiest would have to be gage on Pet Semetery.
1. Which urban legend scared the jeebus out of you when you were a kid? Saying bloody Mary in the mirror…you couldn’t pay me to say it.
2. Which horror movie has the best premise? Saw
3. What is the most disappointing "treat" to receive in your bag on Halloween night? Those nasty black and orange wrapped candy…bleck
4. What's the best non-candy item to receive? The vampire teeth or stickers
5. Did a monster live in your closet as a child? Of course why do you think I slept with so many stuff animals as a kid…they protect you. Lol
6. Which supernatural creature sent chills up your spine as a kid and still does? This sounds silly but Corn…it scares the crap out of me. I had a cornfield in front of my house growing up and after watching children of the corn I was never the same.
7. Which supernatural creature makes you yawn?Frankenstein or the creature of the black lagoon
8. What's your favorite Halloween decoration? Pumpkins, graves and blood.
9. If you could be anywhere on Halloween night, where would you be? At a haunted house in an old abandoned mental asylum.
10. What's the scariest book you've read so far this year? Nothing real scary but some cool ones like the Cell by Stephen King. Death and Decay was a great zombie book too.
11. Haunted houses or hayrides? Both a Haunted Hayride…very creepy
12. Which Stephen King novel/movie would you least like to find yourself trapped in? Tie between IT and Children of the Corn.
13. Which is creepiest: evil dolls, evil pets or evil children? Evil kids hands down. If you know your evil doll lore they leave you alone if you respect dolls. Kids…your screwed. The creepiest would have to be gage on Pet Semetery.
Friday, October 7, 2011
I was a Zombie
So I was suppose to post every day but I turned into a walking Zombie. After only getting 3 hours of sleep after waking up from working the night before I had many things to do. I took my kids to their first pep band for middle school. They helped the high school band at the local homecoming football game. I finally got home around 11. Unfortunately the lack of sleep brought on one of those sleep deprived migraines from hell. You know the ones where you walk around with your eyes have closed, holding your head, moaning and bumping into things. This type of “zombie” does moan brains but shut up everyone my head hurts.” This zombie also can revert back into human once they have eaten, slept and medicated. Unfortunately I skipped 2 of those and woke up at 530 am with a pounding in my head. I had to eat and take meds and go back to bed. So I am back posting this for my disappearance…lol I know it’s cheating…wait this is my blog and do whatever I want…muahaha
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Strange things
Yes I though I loved zombies but apparently there are bigger zombie fans out there. What I have learned playing on the internet
~The official Ribbon for the dead: a grey one and the official awareness month May. Want to know more? Grey Ribbon
~ Like to run In 5 K races? How about one where zombie’s chase you. You got a 5K race with obstacles in which you have to outrun zombies. It's designed a bit like flag football, you're given a belt with flags to serve as your health bar. You make stops to pick up more health. From what I have seen on video…the zombies can actually run..that would freak me out. Want to know more? Zombie run
~There is a Zombie food pyramid. Really? I wonder if I follow it will I lose weight. Want to see it? Zombie food pyramid
~Zombie have moved up in the world. They have their own fb now. Friend them if you dare…or at least like the page. Add zombie friend
~People will actually click that last thing…and add zombie
~ Zombies have their own alcholic drink. Here’s the reciepe:
~ Hello I even found awesome garden Zombie. I want this also
I how ever DO NOT want this…gnomes are creepy all by themselves.
Okay so there is some strange things on Zombies
~The official Ribbon for the dead: a grey one and the official awareness month May. Want to know more? Grey Ribbon
~ Like to run In 5 K races? How about one where zombie’s chase you. You got a 5K race with obstacles in which you have to outrun zombies. It's designed a bit like flag football, you're given a belt with flags to serve as your health bar. You make stops to pick up more health. From what I have seen on video…the zombies can actually run..that would freak me out. Want to know more? Zombie run
~There is a Zombie food pyramid. Really? I wonder if I follow it will I lose weight. Want to see it? Zombie food pyramid
~Zombie have moved up in the world. They have their own fb now. Friend them if you dare…or at least like the page. Add zombie friend
~People will actually click that last thing…and add zombie
~ Zombies have their own alcholic drink. Here’s the reciepe:
1/2 oz Bacardi® 151 rum
1 oz pineapple juice
1 oz orange juice
1/2 oz apricot brandy
1 tsp sugar
2 oz light rum
1 oz dark rum
1 oz lime juice
~ There are Zombie socks..which I want btw: 1 oz pineapple juice
1 oz orange juice
1/2 oz apricot brandy
1 tsp sugar
2 oz light rum
1 oz dark rum
1 oz lime juice
~ Hello I even found awesome garden Zombie. I want this also
I how ever DO NOT want this…gnomes are creepy all by themselves.
Okay so there is some strange things on Zombies
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
How to tell if you’re a Zombie
Top Ten Symptoms of Necroambulation..
I like posting this every Halloween in hopes I have educated someone new. If you have read this you may just skip it or enjoy it all over again.
10. Every Time You Speak it Comes Out as a Moan – One of the classic symptoms of zombification is the loss of coherent speech. Go all the way back to Frankenstein's Monster. The vocal chords are delicate and can be among the first things to go. Try saying this phrase: The rain in Spain stays mainly on the plain. Everything come out okay? Good. If not, you are either a zombie or Eliza Doolittle.
Other Possible Explanation: You are currently engaged in sexual intercourse.
9. People Remark that You Smell Like Roadkill- First of all, if anyone has ever said this within earshot of you...damn. Secondly, I hate to tell you that this is another symptom. You see, dead things smell bad. That's just the way it is. Autolysis and putrefaction lead to the release of gases which are the main cause of that sickly sweet odor of death. Chances are good that you are in fact a reanimated corpse.
Other Possible Explanation: You have poor hygiene. Treatment: Bathe.
8. Passersby Complement You on Your Sexy Shamble- It is a well-known fact (at least to Romero fans) that zombies have limited mobility. There is no blood flow to the muscles, what would you expect? Not to mention the fact that tendons and other soft tissues will be rotting away. Running zombies may be scarier to some but come on, does it really make sense? Let's be rational here. Hehe. If your walk can be categorized as a lurch or a stumble you could be in real trouble.
Other Possible Explanation: You are drunk.
7. You Have an Uncontrollable Urge to Go to the Mall- I don't know what it is about the mall, but it happens all the time. Is our need for consumerism so prevalent that it reaches beyond the limitations of death? Look at Dawn of the Dead (both versions) and even the video game Dead Rising. Apparently it is just an inevitability. Do you often feel yourself being pulled by the sway of Macy's or Hot Topic? Sounds like zombie time to me.
Other Possible Explanation: You are a teenager or just have nothing better to do.
6. Hunger is Your Only Motivation- Sure we all have the drive to eat in order to sustain our own lives. But if your hunger is all-consuming, if it just won't go away no matter what you eat, if you find yourself walking miles to track down something that smells yummy...you may be a goner. Once you have been infected, nothing else will matter. Your need to feed will prey on your mind like you will prey on your neighbors and you will never be sated.
Other Possible Explanation: You are stoned. (Note: This could also be the underlying cause for many of the signs. Do you also have the urge to watch cartoons and laugh at nothing? If so, you are fine)
5. Your Friends Keep Trying to Bean You on the Head- We all know the most effective way to dispatch the living dead is to kill the brain. A gunshot to the head, a bat to the noggin, a tire iron to the skull...these are all good. And your friends all know this too. If you find yourself having to constantly shield your grey matter from the onslaught of weapons, you may be a zombie.
Other Possible Explanation: You have lousy friends.
4. Your Rate of Decomposition Has Severely Increased- We know that the body begins its slow decline as soon as we are born. The flesh is only designed to sustain life for so long. This is why we age and why we begin to fall apart (metaphorically) as we grow older. But if you are literally falling apart, this could be cause for concern. In the case of reanimation, there should also be the characteristic smell we discussed earlier. If you present with both of these symptoms, you are probably among the population of the undead.
Other Possible Explanation: You have leprosy which is generally characterized by skin lesions. Leprosy will not cause your limbs to fall off so if you start dropping body parts on the carpet, you should seek the attention of your local mortician.
3. You Were Pronounced Dead and People Ran Screaming When You Got Up- It is not uncommon, even in today's advanced society, for people to occasionally lose signs of life. Chances are good you could be revived by a team of medical experts or someone on hand to administer the likes of CPR. The usual response is gleeful gratitude expressed by those around you. But if you die and your awakening prompts a negative response, mainly one of fear or repulsion, then you have likely been zombified. If this is the case, I would be on the lookout for number 5 above. That is often the next logical reaction.
Other Possible Explanations: You are rich and your family was waiting for you to kick the bucket or you just aren't very well liked.
2. You Crave Human Flesh- Probably the number one symptom of zombiehood is the need to feed on the flesh of the living. There are various explanations of this phenomena depending upon which canon you follow. Some believe it lessens the pain of being dead. But no matter what you believe, you cannot deny that if this urge suddenly forms, the odds of you being a revenant are highly likely. I recommend you distance yourself from the public as quickly as possible. Most people are not fond of being gnawed on at random.
Other Possible Explanation: You are simply a cannibal. In either case, keep away from me.
1. You Have Been Bitten by a Zombie- This one is undeniable and there is little recourse unless you happen to boast a natural immunity but I wouldn't count on this being the case. If you have in fact been chewed by a member of the living dead, you can go ahead and plan your cremation. The typical funeral will only prolong the effects and cause you discomfort as you attempt to climb out of your grave. You will also probably attack those you love and that is not a pleasant thought for anyone.
Other Possible Explanation: I got nothing. You are screwed, my friend
I like posting this every Halloween in hopes I have educated someone new. If you have read this you may just skip it or enjoy it all over again.
10. Every Time You Speak it Comes Out as a Moan – One of the classic symptoms of zombification is the loss of coherent speech. Go all the way back to Frankenstein's Monster. The vocal chords are delicate and can be among the first things to go. Try saying this phrase: The rain in Spain stays mainly on the plain. Everything come out okay? Good. If not, you are either a zombie or Eliza Doolittle.
Other Possible Explanation: You are currently engaged in sexual intercourse.
9. People Remark that You Smell Like Roadkill- First of all, if anyone has ever said this within earshot of you...damn. Secondly, I hate to tell you that this is another symptom. You see, dead things smell bad. That's just the way it is. Autolysis and putrefaction lead to the release of gases which are the main cause of that sickly sweet odor of death. Chances are good that you are in fact a reanimated corpse.
Other Possible Explanation: You have poor hygiene. Treatment: Bathe.
8. Passersby Complement You on Your Sexy Shamble- It is a well-known fact (at least to Romero fans) that zombies have limited mobility. There is no blood flow to the muscles, what would you expect? Not to mention the fact that tendons and other soft tissues will be rotting away. Running zombies may be scarier to some but come on, does it really make sense? Let's be rational here. Hehe. If your walk can be categorized as a lurch or a stumble you could be in real trouble.
Other Possible Explanation: You are drunk.
7. You Have an Uncontrollable Urge to Go to the Mall- I don't know what it is about the mall, but it happens all the time. Is our need for consumerism so prevalent that it reaches beyond the limitations of death? Look at Dawn of the Dead (both versions) and even the video game Dead Rising. Apparently it is just an inevitability. Do you often feel yourself being pulled by the sway of Macy's or Hot Topic? Sounds like zombie time to me.
Other Possible Explanation: You are a teenager or just have nothing better to do.
6. Hunger is Your Only Motivation- Sure we all have the drive to eat in order to sustain our own lives. But if your hunger is all-consuming, if it just won't go away no matter what you eat, if you find yourself walking miles to track down something that smells yummy...you may be a goner. Once you have been infected, nothing else will matter. Your need to feed will prey on your mind like you will prey on your neighbors and you will never be sated.
Other Possible Explanation: You are stoned. (Note: This could also be the underlying cause for many of the signs. Do you also have the urge to watch cartoons and laugh at nothing? If so, you are fine)
5. Your Friends Keep Trying to Bean You on the Head- We all know the most effective way to dispatch the living dead is to kill the brain. A gunshot to the head, a bat to the noggin, a tire iron to the skull...these are all good. And your friends all know this too. If you find yourself having to constantly shield your grey matter from the onslaught of weapons, you may be a zombie.
Other Possible Explanation: You have lousy friends.
4. Your Rate of Decomposition Has Severely Increased- We know that the body begins its slow decline as soon as we are born. The flesh is only designed to sustain life for so long. This is why we age and why we begin to fall apart (metaphorically) as we grow older. But if you are literally falling apart, this could be cause for concern. In the case of reanimation, there should also be the characteristic smell we discussed earlier. If you present with both of these symptoms, you are probably among the population of the undead.
Other Possible Explanation: You have leprosy which is generally characterized by skin lesions. Leprosy will not cause your limbs to fall off so if you start dropping body parts on the carpet, you should seek the attention of your local mortician.
3. You Were Pronounced Dead and People Ran Screaming When You Got Up- It is not uncommon, even in today's advanced society, for people to occasionally lose signs of life. Chances are good you could be revived by a team of medical experts or someone on hand to administer the likes of CPR. The usual response is gleeful gratitude expressed by those around you. But if you die and your awakening prompts a negative response, mainly one of fear or repulsion, then you have likely been zombified. If this is the case, I would be on the lookout for number 5 above. That is often the next logical reaction.
Other Possible Explanations: You are rich and your family was waiting for you to kick the bucket or you just aren't very well liked.
2. You Crave Human Flesh- Probably the number one symptom of zombiehood is the need to feed on the flesh of the living. There are various explanations of this phenomena depending upon which canon you follow. Some believe it lessens the pain of being dead. But no matter what you believe, you cannot deny that if this urge suddenly forms, the odds of you being a revenant are highly likely. I recommend you distance yourself from the public as quickly as possible. Most people are not fond of being gnawed on at random.
Other Possible Explanation: You are simply a cannibal. In either case, keep away from me.
1. You Have Been Bitten by a Zombie- This one is undeniable and there is little recourse unless you happen to boast a natural immunity but I wouldn't count on this being the case. If you have in fact been chewed by a member of the living dead, you can go ahead and plan your cremation. The typical funeral will only prolong the effects and cause you discomfort as you attempt to climb out of your grave. You will also probably attack those you love and that is not a pleasant thought for anyone.
Other Possible Explanation: I got nothing. You are screwed, my friend
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Best Zombie Flicks
I love George A. Romero’s Zombie flicks. So for halloween if your looking for great Zombie flicks check these out…
Scary and Gruesome
Scary and Gruesome
I like this version over the older one
Black and white please!
yes I know this is a tv show but it rocks!
The second one is much better than the first. Because the first one he spent the first hour yelling HELLO?? ugh
Best comical zombie movie hands down.
This one is the best. The second one isn’t bad but as they go on…they are less zombie and more action.
Another original favorite
The original is the best but the new one isn’t bad
When u need a new zombie movie after you seen the rest.
Monday, October 3, 2011
This week is Zombie week
So this week is dedicated to Zombie. If by the way you are weak in the stomach then you best not read this post. I had a patient come in a few weeks back. He walks in to my triage. The computer tells me his chief complaint is an abscess. Non medical folks: An abscess is a collection of pus in any part of the body that, in most cases, causes swelling and inflammation around it. He has it covered with a bandage so I can not see it. But this guy isn’t acting right. He barely answers my questions and seriously is out of it. His girlfriend seems to want to tell me what is going on but can’t. I had to pull his teeth just to get him to talk to me. I told him that I don’t know how to help him if he doesn’t answer my questions. He mumble to most of my questions. I take him back and he gets up from the wheel chair and about tumbles into the floor. By the way he was here for an arm abscess. He said he could get up with no problem. At this point I am hollering for our male nurse to help. He gets him into the bed. We get him connected to the monitor and all. I tell the doctor something is up with this guy. Either the infection is so bad he is weak or he is truly on something. While the doctor talks to the patient the girlfriend leaves and pulls me aside. He apparently shoots up with Morphine. He has been squeezing at this place on his forearm for awhile. Most likely where he shoots up. It look like something out of a zombie flick. The skin was literally rotting off this dude’s arm. Most people come into the ER with an abscess the size of a quarter. The doctor makes and incision and removes the pus by squeezing. Like a giant zit. So if you’re a zit popper this would be a dream to you. Here's is a mild picture of an abscess. 
His was 4 times this size and the skin had forced itself open. When the doctor squeezed this thing it look liked chunks of his arm fell out. IT WAS AWESOME!! I know I am gross. But that’s one of the reasons I became a nurse.
His was 4 times this size and the skin had forced itself open. When the doctor squeezed this thing it look liked chunks of his arm fell out. IT WAS AWESOME!! I know I am gross. But that’s one of the reasons I became a nurse.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Best Zombie Books
5 top zombie books
a zombie series where everyone above the age of 16 dies leaving the children to fend for themselves against the zombies. Followed by the next book the dead and then the fear. Great series.
excerpt from Goodreads “The cell phone users in Stephen King's tale of horror are plagued by problems much bigger than poor reception, costly roaming charges, or dropped calls: Some unspeakably malevolent force has turned them into raging, bloodthirsty zombies!”I guarantee you won’t look at your cell phone the same way again
followed by the next book Death and Decay. Goodreads Except “In the zombie-infested, post-apocalyptic America where Benny Imura lives, every teenager must find a job by the time they turn fifteen or get their rations cut in half. Benny doesn't want to apprentice as a zombie hunter with his boring older brother Tom, but he has no choice. He expects a tedious job whacking zoms for cash, but what he gets is a vocation that will teach him what it means to be human.”
okay so sue me it’s a comic book. But this is absolutely the best zombie collection. If you are a true Zombie fan you must have this.
okay so I haven’t technically read this one just yet. It comes out this month. But it’s a novel based on my favorite comics. So how can it go wrong right? Well I will let you know just as soon as I read it.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
31 day’s of Halloween: My goal
Okay so I was talking to Ann and she came up with making her blogs Halloween themed all month. 
I decided to go with that and SyFy idea of 31 day’s of Halloween. Each day till Halloween some how I will twist my blogs to be Halloweenish. So there might be some gross nursing stories, Halloween favorites and funny stories. So check my blog everyday for the newest blog for this month. Since Halloween is Christmas to me I just might get motivated to blog a tad more….well hopefully.
love ya NurseNightmare
I decided to go with that and SyFy idea of 31 day’s of Halloween. Each day till Halloween some how I will twist my blogs to be Halloweenish. So there might be some gross nursing stories, Halloween favorites and funny stories. So check my blog everyday for the newest blog for this month. Since Halloween is Christmas to me I just might get motivated to blog a tad more….well hopefully.
love ya NurseNightmare
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