You might be a nurse: Gross what is growing on you

Yea I have decided that you are a nurse when the weird and strange doesn’t gross you out.  I had this patient that came in with a subcutaneous horn growth on his arm.  He had it there since he was 9.  Looked like a shriveled yellowish gray penis.  Yea I know sick. Here is a pic on a lady’s head.

 

My life flashed before my eyes…spewing prayers and profanity.

 

(picture brought to you by the Happy Hospitalist, check out his site)

So in our area the weather has been awful.  Very crazy.  In one week we had 70 degree weather, torrential rains, tornadoes, sleet, ice and blizzards.  Fabulous right?  Well the job instructed us that we were to be at work no matter the weather.  I mean it’s not like they will pay to get my car out of the ditch.  Anyway took me twice as long to get to work because of the snow.  It was so bad I never got over 40 miles and hour on the interstate.  In fact at some points I had no idea what lane I was in.  I just love truck drivers that must have 9 lives or are immortal because they are still zooming by me at 70 miles and hour.  Which cause the snow, slush and ice to cover my car.  Causing me to be blinded, skidding and sliding and praying out loud.  I then, after getting control of the car, cuss at the SOB.  I came into work shaking like a leave.  More than normal cause usually I am high on caffeine.  Left the next morning only to get in a ditch at the house.  The one stupid day I forgot to wear my winter boots instead of my work shoes.  18 inches of snow and paper thin scrubs are not fun to trek in at all.

Would you like a menu?

There are a few ER doctors I swear will give out narcotics like candy.  Hmmm maybe we need a Ativan salt lick and a dilaudid bubble gum dispenser in the waiting room.  I mean I actually heard one say to her patient.  We have lortab, percocet or we can start and IV and give you some dilaudid.  What would you like us to do?  WTH .  They wonder why the world has drug addicts.  The stupid ER doctors are giving them their start.  I know one patient that was on klonopin, percocet, morphine, xanax for all her medical chronic pain issue.  If I took that I would be dead or intubated. 
I was really impressed with my neurologist.  If he puts you on a narcotic you are drug tested twice a year and they count your meds.  If you don’t have it in your system he takes you off of it and if you pills are short because you are abusing them he takes you off of it.  I think all doctors need to do this.  I am so tired of patients arrive to the Er for a medicine refill because they took their meds incorrectly and have run out.  Take it as prescribed.  Yea I know I am a bitch and uncaring person.  But hell I have chronic pain,it sucks. Do people understand?  Hell no.  Do I take my meds like I am suppose to?  Yes.  I also do this without the use of narcotics.  I still work full time.  I still had back surgery.  I still have stupid patients who pretend they can’t transfer from the chair to the bed, but will walk out on their own when they are discharged.  They don’t care the nurse is straining their back to help them.  I will still give you your pain meds but at least have the courtesy not to injure your nurse.

Zombies, Zombies and More Zombies

I have been busy reading.  What have I been reading?  Zombies of course.  Well that and some mixed with other supernaturals. 

Let’s start with warm bodies.  I really wanted to read the book before I go and watch the movie.  I was afraid the director would destroy the story line which happens often.  I haven’t completed the book yet.  It’s a different take on the whole end of the world the zombies are here.  You start out in the mind of a zombie and how they spend their day.  There is some mild humor.  Not as funny as zombie land but having this sick sense of humor I can see some mild humor.  Pretty much the main character get’s a crush on a human.  Who begins teaching him to be human again.  Not a bad concept but a little slow moving.  Its not one of those books that can put down.  More like a nice book that you put down and are happy to pick up again.  I will let you know how I rate it when I am finish.

The next book Flesh and Bone is my all time favorite Zombie series a definite must read.  In fact I read it a while back and impatiently waiting for the 4th book to come out Fire and Ash.  Which won’t be until Sept 2013.  Meaning I need to find other zombie books to bid my time. Here is some info on it brought to you from goodreads…another great book app. 

“But the Ruin is far more dangerous than any of them can imagine. They are hunted by fierce animals escaped from zoos and circuses. They must raid zombie-infested towns for food and medical supplies. They discover the very real truth in the old saying: In the Rot & Ruin…everything wants to kill you.”

My new favorite Zombie series is first days.  It’s nice to have some decent female leads.  One’s that are whiny. Now this series is the type that you can’t wait to read the next book.  I am actually waiting to read book 3 and biding my time with warm bodies to help savor the series a little more.  Here is some info on the book via goodreads

“Katie is driving to work one beautiful day when a dead man jumps into her car and tries to eat her.  That same morning, Jenni opens a bedroom door to find her husband devouring their toddler son.
Fate puts Jenni and Katie—total strangers—together in a pickup, fleeing the suddenly zombie-filled streets of the Texas city in which they live. Before the sun has set, they have become more than just friends and allies—they are bonded as tightly as any two people who have been to war together.
During their cross-Texas odyssey to find and rescue Jenni’s oldest son, Jenni discovers the joy of watching a zombie’s head explode when she shoots its brains out. Katie learns that she’s a terrific tactician—and a pretty good shot.
A chance encounter puts them on the road to an isolated, fortified town, besieged by zombies, where fewer than one hundred people cling to the shreds of civilization.
It looks like the end of the world. But Katie and Jenni and many others will do whatever they have to to stay alive. Run, fight, pick each other up when they stumble, fall in love…anything is possible at the end of the world”

 

Last is a nurse book with a supernatural twist.  It’s about this nurse who works on Y7 a ward that real world doesn’t know about.  It’s where sups like werewolves, vampires, shift changes and even zombies go when they get sick or injured.  I love the part where she is all dressed up in her sterile garb holding a tranq gun just in case the werewolves sedative wears off while changing his dressings.  I love the nursing aspect and the supernaturals in the story.  I would love to work there…lol

So there are my stories…please if you have any great ones to read leave me a comment. 

Romance is dead

I have come to the conclusion that the romance in my life is dead.  I really wish it was as easy as using jumper cables or cardioverting it back into life.  But I fear it’s gone and there is no hope for it’s return.  I am not one of those mushy type of people but it  would be nice if my man would go out of his way every once in awhile.  How about a complement even if you have to lie.  Ugh.  I don’t want flowers or candy.  I just want courtesy, less cussing and maybe being more important than your beer.  Is that asking too much?  Some days I feel like I a roommate with conjugal visits.   Even those are getting fewer and fewer.  Because dear if you didn’t go to bed at 8pm before the kids you might get some more often.  I am so tired of you bitching about getting none yet I can remember the last time you really said anything nice.  You know a complement can go a long way.  I know you can do it you work in retail and know how to give nice customer service.  Just use that same sweet polite voice for you wife every now and then.  What’s even sadder I have no idea when our last date night was.  So people how the hell do you jump start your marriage?

Grinds my gears: Dr Dumbass

So I get along with all my ER doctors, which is over 10 of them.  All but one…Dr Dumbass is her name.  I have no idea where the hell she got her degree but I guess someone has to be the bottom of the class percentile.   Let me show you a glimpse of her dumbassedness (made up word I know).  We use to carry around IV trays.  It had the needles, start kits and tubes and whatever else we needed to start an IV.  She actually wanted us to store ice on it so we would be prepared to grab a lactic acid (blood draw that needs to be put on ice asap).  We all looked at her in the meeting like um…wth.  Does she not realize the ice will melt and be water?  See what I am dealing with.
Well this past weekend she actually pissed of the whole crew.  That is pretty amazing.  First she pissed of a nurse that is never angry.  She was upset that the patient wasn’t placed into a gown.  This is why the nurse did not.  The patient was in a gown…however the pants, shoes and socks were still on.  The patient had obviously broken his ankle.  The nurse knew the doctor was bad for signing up for a patient and not seeing them forever.  The high top shoe was helping hold it in the correct position and he knew as soon as the shoe came off the swelling would be bad and wanted the doctor to remove the shoe.  He was trying to avoid more damage.  “For a broken ankle/foot, use a soft splint (a pillow or a heavy towel) to immobilize the area. The person's shoe should not be removed.” college of emergency medicine excerpt.  She bad mouthed him in front of the patient with another nurse.  Which was inappropriate. 
Next she highly pissed me off.   I was triage nurse and had a shortness of breath infant.  Mind you we get a lot of shortness of breath only to find out it’s just congestion.  However when mom uncovered infant from car seat I could tell he was having difficulty.  I scooped him up, weighed him quickly and headed to an open room.  Called the doctor over our volcera and another nurse to assist.   The only thing I had in the computer was Shortness of breath x1 day congestion x 2 with fever per mom.  When the doctor arrived I was placing the infant on the monitor and the other nurse was getting the IV stuff ready.  She barked orders to get a line and o2.  I was already in the process of getting o2 on.  He was 89% on room air and using all of his little muscles to breathe. I explained to the doctor that I had a weight and vitals except temp.  I would get it after the line was completed. We both attempted with no luck.  He was very dehydrated.  Respiratory arrived and I let them do a treatment first and explained to the doctor I had not forgotten the temp.  She said that is fine.  After the treatment and IV access I obtained a temp.  This is all within 10 mins of the infant arriving.  The nurse that was helping me over heard her bad mouthing me to the other doctors about incomplete vital signs.  I was pissed.  I had to avoid her the rest of the night because of I was afraid I would go off on her.
Next she was the one that was pushing for the undress for success.  She doesn’t care why you are here you will be completely naked and place in a gown.  Every time I was assessing my patient she would rush in.  I made it a point to say I sorry you didn’t give me enough time to get them in the gown and get your urine for you yet.  She was too stupid to understand I was being sarcastic.   I really hate this lady.  I really don’t think she understands.  She can power trip us all she wants, Bad mouth me in front of my patients, and be a know it all she wants but I will never be extra helpful like I am to the other doctors.  I will never automatically get a urine or blood without her orders in the system.  The other doctors will be first in their requests.  I will never make your job easier.  I will always correctly educate my patients and take care of their needs first but never for your convenience.   You will learn if you piss of your nurses you will never earn their respect nor their willingness to help you out.

As the Redneck World turns: Party Poopers

Okay so this episode of redneck world turns brings us to my nieces birthday party.  Nothing funny about this…but I have come to realize that my brother- in-law is an ass.  Wait let me rephrase that.  I knew he was one this just makes him a bigger one.  He never treats his step daughter like a real daughter.  She is always a second class citizen.  I see it all the time when he dotes on his little blood child.  Which is really sad because this child really needs a father figure in her life since her real father is a dead beat.  My sister in law was telling me that all the kids got 50 bucks for their birthday…she got 8 bucks.  What the *&@*.  I mean I know I only gave her 10 bucks but that is really sad that her “father” gave her barely anything.  I really want to hit him with a baseball bat. I mean I knew he treats his woman like shit but a kid?  What is wrong with people.  She’s not dumb. I know she knows he treats her different.  Of course my man says stay out of it.  Though I really wanted to tell him you can buy beer and cigarettes but no gift for this kid?  What a dead beat.  Which leads me to my next complaint.  When you have a birthday party it’s only polite not to smoke while you have guests.  The kids at the party hell his kids don’t need to be around that crap.  That is one of the reasons I left early.  I would have loved to stay and chat to my sister in law since I haven’t seen her in forever but the smog was so bad I had to leave.  Ever since this last cold my lungs cannot tolerate the smoke.  I just hope she realizes I didn’t leave on her account but on his sorry ass for not being considerate.

Shot of Reality: Mother of the year

It is just amazing what you see in the ER.  There are some really uneducated people and there are just stupid people.  Just to define the two for those that don’t know there is a difference uneducated means not educated, lack of education or just don’t know any better.  Stupid people are people to lazy to do anything about it, no matter how much you teach them they will do the opposite and make me wish mandatory sterilization was legal again.  So this entry is dedicated to the  “special” moms aka dumbass in my ER or in this redneck area.  Now mind you there are the first time mom’s that bring their kids in for every little sniffle.  These are not the moms I am referring too.

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Dear Deadbeat Mom,
Do you know where you 14 yr old daughter is?  I do.  She is in my ER with a huge laceration to the back of her head.  Who brought her in?  Some 18 yr old and 22 yr old guys.  Guess what she won’t give me your telephone number.  Why?  She’s intoxicated. 
Sincerely,
Nevermind she’s not even living with you she lives with her 19yr old sister who could care less. Fabulous.  Guess what apparently the doctor doesn’t care either because they released her to those guys.  FYI your daughter is a tramp.

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Dear Back Pain mom,
Yes I understand that you have back pain but did you have to bring the entire family.  You mother could have kept the 3 small children at home.  Lovely do you think maybe you could please keep your kids from using my scale as a jungle gym.  Now they are playing with wheelchairs, jumping off the bed.
Sincerly ,  Whoops sorry I pissed you off by reprimanding your brats but its amazing how fast they stopped after I took charge.

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Dear Grow some Balls mother,
What seems to bring you here today?  Your 4 yr old won’ t take her medication to help keep her fever down.  So you brought her out in 18 inches of snow, ignored the please don’t be on the roads except in emergencies, and braved the ice just so we could shove Tylenol up her butt. 
Sincerely it’s time to take the booby out of the brats mouth.
Ps  I found it very amusing when the brat screamed and kicked about getting meds up her ass.  Exactly why I explained to her that taking her orange flavored motrin would be a lot easier and I hope that she does take it or the remaining doses will have to be the same. 

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Dear germ spreading mom,
Just in case you are not aware but this is one of the worst years for the flu.  So when I am educating you and your brood of children please take heed.  Letting them crawl around on the floor where people have puke, shit or bled on isn’t the best place for them to be.  Allowing them to put everything in their mouth during the flu season while you are here for you belly pain is a good sign you will be back next week with flu like symptoms.
Sincerly , did you really just let that pacifier hit the floor and pop it back into that kids mouth???

Here piggy piggy: Quit complaining and updates

Well it has been awhile since I have updated.  I have lost 26 pounds since I started about a year ago.  The last 18 have been since October.  I am really proud of myself.  I know that I will have to eat healthy for the rest of my life and continue to have an active lifestyle.  I know this is a life change not just a phase.  If I want to keep it off I will always have to work hard.  The problem I am having is those that jumped on the band wagon and are not doing so well.  I have tried to be supportive, give suggestions and told them the program that I am doing.  Which is free.  I even gave them dvd names and invited them to join me at the gym.  5bucks a day when you go with me.  Not to bad.  When I invite them they are always busy or too tired. When it’s time to weight I always here I have been bad this week.  Which is turning into every week.  What really irritated me was when I was asked how much have I lost so far and I told the person.  The other person commented it’s not as easy for me as it is for you.  What the hell?  I do work my ass off.  I do have bad days but I don’t wallow in self pity.  I just pick up and do better the next time.  I listen to suggestions of others that have succeeded.   I want this bad enough.  I am tired of being tired.  Tired of my knees hurting!  Tired of looking like a fat blimp in clothing.  I empowered myself to lose weight.  I didn’t try to starve myself or get the quick fix like the others were.  You can’t eat 400 calories a day and expect to stay on that diet.  You can’t continue to eat at fast food restaurants and expect to lose.  It’s a life change.  If you don’t honestly record every calorie then you are cheating on your diet.  The only person it hurts is yourself.  I don’t care if you cheat.  Doesn’t hurt me one bit.  But what pisses me off is people running their mouth making it sound like it was easy for me.  I sweated my ass off.  I went to the gym after work and gave up Starbucks 450 calorie drinks.  I swore off McDonald's.  So until you do that don’t tell me how hard it is.  Still eating what you want isn’t hard at all.   I will be happy to help anyway I can but don’t rain on my parade for all that I have accomplished.  But hell yea I look fabulous in my jeans now.  You can be gorgeous no matter you size what makes you ugly is putting yourself down.  Don’t complain about being fat if you don’t have the courage to make a change.  If you need help I will always be here to help you all you have to do is ask.

The Starbucks hour

So I decided that I really need to sit down and blog.  But the more I try the less I seem to get accomplished.  Why do you ask?  Because being a mother, house wife and nurse it seem there is no time for myself anymore.  I use to go to Starbucks and write my blogs.  My one place to get away and get caffeinated.  Problem is this new diet has pretty much cut Starbucks out.  I mean one drink would be a whopping 450 calories and every once in awhile I would splurge and get one of those awesome banana walnut bread another whopping 490 calories and who the hell can eat half?  So I did find a solution.  I love their blonde willow brew.  Which means I can brew it at home at 16 calories for every 8 cups.  Did I mention I drink probably 10 cups to equal the caffeine I need to get the jolt the triple shot of espresso white chocolate would give me.  Sad I know so I get the energy to make it through my night shift but I find myself peeing myself to death.  Which is a hard task to do as a nurse since it never seem like you get time to go.   So I splurged today and I am currently typing this at Starbucks in hopes to complete my many blogs that are dancing around in my head.  Of course I didn’t get the 450 calorie drink and opted for the Skinny chai latte instead.  Tea instead of coffee.  What is the world coming to.  This Starbucks addict is seriously missing my triple shot white chocolate mocha.  However my smaller ass is making it easier to deal with.   I see new faces at the Starbucks today.  I was not greeted by my name this time which means I have definitely not been here in awhile.  It was bad.  They usually would ask me how many I was getting today for the coworkers and would I be hanging out for a little while before I ordered them.  So I kick off this month of blogs in remembrance of my many visits to Starbucks.  I am hoping to complete a few today and have them post every few days.  Here’s to getting back to blogging.