Those of you that are nurses or heck work in public at some point and time have ran into a pervert.  You know the one that always make some sick comment while your trying to do your job.  Last month I had a old man asked me to marry him.  Then another nurse asked me to please take the meds to bed 1a because he was grossly hitting on her.  Not that I pay much mind to that.  So I said sure not a problem.  Of course this guy is half drunk and he proceeds to tell me how hot I am and I bluntly change the subject to if he is allergic to this or that.  Which I get a no.  Then he proceeds to say if I smile at him much more he is going to just melt…ugh. He tries to get even more perverted when I cut him off and explained that I don’t believe my hubby would appreciate that especially since he is a pretty big man who gets jealous easily…**lie.  So sue me I embellished a little.  But he shut the heck up.  But the icing that takes the cake is the pervery old man that was drunk and I had to cath him.  Oh baby rub it hard when you clean it…ugh really? Gross…what I wanted to say was um I can hold it with 2 whole finger don’t think it will do much for me.  Instead I just stuck the catheter in and he shut up.  Glad he wasn’t into pain.  Cause if he would have said I like it rough I would have vomited on him.
*lets not forget the perverts in the nursing home who try to pull u into bed or grab your boobs either..sheesh.
So guys tell me ur perverts that you have ran into?  and how do you handle it?

Shot of Reality: Hemorrhoids, Heathens and My Handyman

Dear Patient, 
Hemorrhoids are not a sexually transmitted disease.  Plus you can’t get them from your girlfriend.
Sincerely, trying not to snicker

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Dear Overprotective mom (me),
Sometimes its best not to know what your kids are doing on Facebook or what language they are using.
Sincerely I learned my lesson.

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Dear work,  
It would be nice if you didn’t schedule all of your in-services in the same month on my days off.  I would like to have a whole day off.  Its hard enough when you work nights.
Sincerely, Exhausted…PS at least I will be on vacation soon!

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Dear Cell phone using moron in the white car,
Pick a speed.  I don’t know if your one of those people who can’t walk and chew gum at the same time.  But you are definitely one of those that can’t talk and drive.  
Sincerely, My cruise control hates you

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Dear Man,
I would be really nice when you decided to do “projects” or “jobs” around the house that you actually put all of the stuff away when you complete them.  Its hard enough to keep the house clean.
Sincerely, your project messes make me want to choke  you to death.

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Dear Lazy at work,
I look forward to the new name badges that record how long you are in patients rooms or in your case the lack of attention you give your patients.  Some of us are tired of doing your job.
Sincerely, smirking at the fact you will get busted

10 signs you have a nursing shortage

Top 10 signs you have a nursing shortage

10. Your boss comes up with synonyms like staff challenge to try to fool the patients
9. You have the bladder capacity of five people or have a leg bag catheter
8. You think that caffeine should be available in IV form
7. You're no longer allowed to call in sick only as dead
6. You're willing to pick up hitchhikers to give them on the job training as a CNA
5. If you're not a smoker, you're on some type of anti-depressant
4. You go to sleep at night and dream that you're still at work
3. Its shower day for the pts, you think hmm local car wash might get everyone done faster.
2. You're wondering why you ever gave up that pie job at Wal-Mart
1. Not only are you the nurse, you're a doctor, CNA, plumber, teacher, parent, psychiatrist, electrician, telephone operator, file clerk, and still underpaid for them all!
okay this is not as good as my other ones but then again i made it up myself. just trying to find the humor in our shortage

Grouchy nurses you work with

You know everyone has worked with one.  One of those I hate my job, I hate these patients and heaven forbid if you ask them a question.  Not to mention all around stuck up bitchy to coworkers or even patients..  I really try to get along with everyone I work with.  In fact I don’t mind working with any of my coworkers regardless of what shift they are on.  There is one young nurse who has been an ER nurse for 3 years and she is a really hard worker. She can run rings around everyone and usually bales me out if I am in a bind. BUT she has a tendency to belittle her other coworkers and get smart with the patients.  To the point it embarrasses the hell out of me if I am in the patients room with her.  When I first started as a new RN I was afraid to ask her questions because she always made me feel stupid or awkward.  I mean I am 10 yrs. older than her first off and second she always made me feel like my questions were really stupid.  So I have learned not to ask her any questions and save my questions for the season nurses that don’t eat their “young” .  I would like to confront her about her way of talking to the patients.  She shrugs it off like “I was just joking with them.”  When I want to shout at her “hey idiot this is a freaking ER.  This is not the time to joke around”  I have even had a patient complain to me about her causing me to apologize and try to play it like she is having a “rough” day.  Even though she spends every moment of the day bitching about how she hates this job and blah blah blah.  I still love my job.  Now when we get to the new facility I will probably change my mind.  Since we will be poorly staffed.  But she is young and I hate to generalize but at least in this area young people don’t want to work.  They want it all handed to them. GRRR.  I had to work my ass to get where I am today.  I paid for my own college, my own car and when I was growing up I had to buy my own 1st TV.  Now the kids get it all.  You wouldn’t believe the nurses that I went to school with that the parents were footing the bill.  They were the ones out partying and talking through class.  I wanted to choke the crap out of them.  But anyway…back to this nurse.  I like working with her because she does work.  Just wish her attitude would change.  Bad attitude can become contagious. Livingdeadnurse

Code Blue: Baby blues

Of all the codes in the ED, baby code blues are by far the worse to ever encounter. It would be great to wish that no one in the ER would ever have to see one but that will never happen. We had one the other night and it was my 2nd one. My first one I was just a runner. The one that just gets items that the other nurses or doctors yell out. This time I was in the code. A place I would rather not be. In fact my mind went completely blank when the call came in. I couldn’t remember how to CPR. I just blanked out. How embarrassing would that be if I just stood there. Not knowing what to do! I shook it off, grabbed the computer and help set up the room. Everyone manned their stations and it appeared I would have to document and be the runner because we only had 3 nurses and 1 tech. When the baby of 16 months came in she was blue. The crew was not allowed to put in a line because they were a BLS crew. The ALS one was too far out to get their first. So all that was started was CPR. My charge nurse was leading the code. He was trying to get an IO in her leg. (IV that goes directly into the bone when a line can’t be gotten) The tech was doing compression but you can tell it was getting to him so the charge nurse took over while our other nurse was pushing meds. In the process of charting my computer crashed but since I always prefer paper charting I was kind of of relieved. It was the longest code of my life. Why? Because I was the one telling the doctor when we could push the next med that might just help this baby. She would ask how much more time till the next epi and I would have to tell her 2 mins to go. My watch felt like it was broke because it was ticking so freaking slow. After 35 mins of this code the doctor allowed the parents in while we were still doing CPR. She needed them to see that we were doing all that we could. We all knew she was waiting to tell them that it would be time to stop. The mother already realizing this was in tears and asked if she could hold her baby now. We called the code 45 mins later and she held her little baby. She rocked and cried while dad held her. Grandma wailed. Those of us that couldn’t contain their tears walked quickly out of the room and the rest of us with tears in our eyes tried to remain strong. Setting up chairs and passing out tissues. Its beyond sad when a little one is lost…its just devastating.

Crazy, Rodeo Patients

So I got called upstairs to CCU because security (Rent a cop) couldn’t help the nurses control a patient that was waking up from a drug overdose. He ripped his tube out and was trying to hit the nurses. In fact when me and my tech showed up there was 5 nurses and one security. I helped hold on leg while the tech was holding the other one. Let just say while the CCU nurse was trying to strap down the legs the tech and I went for a ride in the air. He thru our heavy butts just about into the floor. I felt like I was riding a bucking bronco. Finally the Nurse supervisor got an order for a medicine to help calm the patient. What a freaking 1mg of Ativan? Really…like that would do anything. But after the patient attempted to bite the nurse who should have known better about her arm placement…the sedative calmed him enough for him to think rationally. We were able to get his restraints back on. I did notice that rent a cop was standing in the corner looking like he was going to crap his pants.

Tied down and drunk

Had the cops bring in this patient that was very drunk and very agitated. In fact he was strapped to a back board with his hands tied behind his back. He was cussing and trying to spit at everyone. (Of course all he was doing was spitting on himself because the cops had some sort of mask that prevents them from spitting. Pretty neat wish we had them for the ED. Anyway he was here due to a huge laceration to his leg. Unfortunately he was too agitated to even look at the leg let alone let the doctor repair it. So Geodon it was IM in the leg to help him calm down. Wasn’t helping that the cops were irritating him even more. Doctor said I wish they would stop. So being the mouth that I am told them if they wanted to get back before time to clock out they would have to let the patient relax. That way the medicine could take effect and the doctor can fix the leg. They were happy to oblige.
Finally the med was effective. She wanted a urine on him so she could do a drug test on him. I let my new grad do the cath but he was having difficulty. I was teasing this new grad that I was training. I told him that my shift leader might be the vein whisperer but when it came to caths I was the cath whisperer…lol So without missing a beat the cop said..so you talk to penis for a living…lol Guess so…you know what they say nurses see more penis than a hooker does…lol So he did a number to his leg. Had to have sutures internally and then staples on the outside. He went back with the cops have out of it from the Geodon. Love Geodon!

Random dog crazies

1. My little black dog is still eating trash.   She ran out of my daughters bathroom with her maxi pad in her mouth….ewwwww.  Gross dog what the hell is wrong with you.
   
2. My new schnauzer is strange.  Barks at absolutely nothing.  In fact while the other dogs are barking at the neighbors.  He will be facing the opposite way barking into the wind.  Dumb dog
   
3. My black lab cleans his behind so much he look like he bleaches his anus.  Bright white..and a black dog.  You can see his butt hole a mile away.  You needed to know this.  OCD dog
   
4. My chocolate lab is the laziness dog of them all.  In fact if you get up and head to the bedroom she thinks its bedtime and will go to bed.  Even if we just woke up 10 mins ago.
   
5. My New schnauzer can reach his butt.  Or can’t figure it out.  Unlike the blk lab who can.  In fact he is the only dog that can figure a way to crap and get his poop stuck in his fur.  Or dribble it down his leg.  On that note.  We actually have a poop duty station.  A box of wipes at the back door where the person who lets him back in inspects his butt region for any remnants of unwantables left behind on his behind.
   
6. My Little schnauzer sleeps completely upside down making him look like a rag mop because of his long hair…see below
   
7. My white boxer knows when I have vacuumed even if she wasn’t in the house when I did.  Because the first thing she does is rolls around on the floor to replace the vacuumed hair or rubs herself on my brown couch to prove to everyone she was here.
   
8. My little schnauzer is afraid of the floors in Petsmart.  So much it makes me wonder what he actually sees.  Because where the floor is too shiny in spots he stops and acts like the floor drops off into a endless black pit.  I have to pick him up and carry him over the area.  Then he is back to walking like nothing ever happened.  Weird.
   
9.   apparently the white boxer is jealous that she wasn’t invited to the picture.
   
10. And last but not least…the little schnauzer loves to lounge in the car…and huff and puff after a hard day at obedience class.  Even though I am pretty sure I worked harder than he did.

Random dog crazies

1. My little black dog is still eating trash.   She ran out of my daughters bathroom with her maxi pad in her mouth….ewwwww.  Gross dog what the hell is wrong with you.
   
2. My new schnauzer is strange.  Barks at absolutely nothing.  In fact while the other dogs are barking at the neighbors.  He will be facing the opposite way barking into the wind.  Dumb dog
   
3. My black lab cleans his behind so much he look like he bleaches his anus.  Bright white..and a black dog.  You can see his butt hole a mile away.  You needed to know this.  OCD dog
   
4. My chocolate lab is the laziness dog of them all.  In fact if you get up and head to the bedroom she thinks its bedtime and will go to bed.  Even if we just woke up 10 mins ago.
   
5. My New schnauzer can reach his butt.  Or can’t figure it out.  Unlike the blk lab who can.  In fact he is the only dog that can figure a way to crap and get his poop stuck in his fur.  Or dribble it down his leg.  On that note.  We actually have a poop duty station.  A box of wipes at the back door where the person who lets him back in inspects his butt region for any remnants of unwantables left behind on his behind.
   
6. My Little schnauzer sleeps completely upside down making him look like a rag mop because of his long hair…see below
   
7. My white boxer knows when I have vacuumed even if she wasn’t in the house when I did.  Because the first thing she does is rolls around on the floor to replace the vacuumed hair or rubs herself on my brown couch to prove to everyone she was here.
   
8. My little schnauzer is afraid of the floors in Petsmart.  So much it makes me wonder what he actually sees.  Because where the floor is too shiny in spots he stops and acts like the floor drops off into a endless black pit.  I have to pick him up and carry him over the area.  Then he is back to walking like nothing ever happened.  Weird.
   
9.   apparently the white boxer is jealous that she wasn’t invited to the picture.
   
10. And last but not least…the little schnauzer loves to lounge in the car…and huff and puff after a hard day at obedience class.  Even though I am pretty sure I worked harder than he did.

Tuesday: Randomness

1. I seriously hate people who ride in the fast lane going 5 miles slower than the speed limit.  But I also hate those that ride my ass while I am in the fast lane because they are doing 10 miles over the speed limit.
   
2. Catastrophe avoided.  My oldest child’s cockatiel learned tonight how to free himself from his cage.  I learn how fast I can scoop up 3 schnauzers so they don’t eat said bird.
   
3. Apparently the woods near the house is a Meth haven.  I now sleep near a loaded gun.  Try me assholes!
   
4. Talking about Meth…Meth ho who has been removed from Mejis blog because she refuses to talk about her and her negativity even though we fans love it. Has apparently gained 50 lbs.  Welcome to the club bitch.  Except some of us have boobs and a butt.  Curves are good but you look bloated.
   
5. Had a work meeting about how we love our new hospital.  Let’s just say it was pretty much a bitch fest.  Need to post update. I know I know…
   
6. Spent 200 dollars on back to school items.  None of which was clothes.  WTF?
   
7. Is anxiously waiting for trueblood next Sunday…they better not kill off Jess.  Let’s get rid of Tara she is but ugly anyhow.
   
8. Is severely addicted to electronic gadgets…damn technology.
   
9. My dog farted…and my eyes are watering and I am trying not to gag and barf up my food.  You needed to know that.