Shot of Reality: I do nothing

 
Dear man,
Why is it I have to leave you a note on what to do around the house or what to pick up for the house.  No one writes notes for me.  I am sure that it would go over great if I stop buying you your shit cause you didn't write me a note…
Sincerely your wife not your mother

Dear boss,
I know I have just started this job but have I pissed you off already?  What the hell is with the 6 days of work, off a day and then 6 more?  Especially when one of my shifts was 4 effin hours?  I would like a WHOLE day off.  I know that I am fill in help but I didn’t know I would be working everyday.  I thought this was suppose to be 12 hour shifts...grr
Sincerely getting screwed

Dear Oldest who is turning 13,
Could you please make your bed correctly and not just throw the quilt over the bare mattress.  Also empty containers used for lunch don’t need to multiply in your room.  It’s not like dishes is your chore so stop hiding them in your room…sheesh  Mold is not the new color.
Sincerely, Grossed out mom

Dear Mother Nature,
I don’t know if your going through menopause but the hot flashes makes it hard to breathe outside…so you can send fall weather soon it would be much appreciated
Sincerely Ready for cooler weather

What did you swallow?

So when i was a nurse student we got to observe in surgery. And the day I got to go was amazing.
Male pt from correctional facility, object blocking cardiac spinchter (stomach for non nurses)
Was unable to remove by way of mouth ie. EGD due to rough edges may cause GI bleed
I got to see Breathing tube placement which was cool and then a NG tube that went into stomach to make sure that excess blood was sucked out.
We got to witness being cut thru the layers of the stomach...he made about a 9 cm cut. and one by one he pulled out 5 tobacco can lids.. holy crap...before he sewed up the pt. we got to see the small intestines...that was wicked...
I ended up having the patient on Med surge rounds later that week...i had to ask...while he was handcuffed to the bed...how in the world did he get those lids down...he stated that he rolled them up and tied them with toilet paper...and when the stomach acid hit the toilet paper they expanded...
I found out that alot of inmates do this to get a vacation from the joint...damn and i was complaining that some of my vacations suck

Shot of Reality: I do nothing

 
Dear man,
Why is it I have to leave you a note on what to do around the house or what to pick up for the house.  No one writes notes for me.  I am sure that it would go over great if I stop buying you your shit cause you didn't write me a note…
Sincerely your wife not your mother

Dear boss,
I know I have just started this job but have I pissed you off already?  What the hell is with the 6 days of work, off a day and then 6 more?  Especially when one of my shifts was 4 effin hours?  I would like a WHOLE day off.  I know that I am fill in help but I didn’t know I would be working everyday.  I thought this was suppose to be 12 hour shifts...grr
Sincerely getting screwed

Dear Oldest who is turning 13,
Could you please make your bed correctly and not just throw the quilt over the bare mattress.  Also empty containers used for lunch don’t need to multiply in your room.  It’s not like dishes is your chore so stop hiding them in your room…sheesh  Mold is not the new color.
Sincerely, Grossed out mom

Dear Mother Nature,
I don’t know if your going through menopause but the hot flashes makes it hard to breathe outside…so you can send fall weather soon it would be much appreciated
Sincerely Ready for cooler weather

My ear is leaking

My Cna comes out into the hallway to inform me that something was wrong with the lady’s ear in rm12. So Igo and investigate. I ask the patient what seems to be the matter. She then tells me that she was cleaning out her ear with a q-tip and she noticed that something black was coming from her ear. So I look in her ear. I can’t see anything by just looking at it. She then proceeds to tell that she tried the other ear and has the same problem with the left on. I ask for the dirty q-tip. Yep something black all over both of them. Still puzzled I was getting ready to get the odoscope to check out her ears.Till I glanced on her bedside table and noticed her q-tips in a cup with straws, scissors, pencils and PENS…i look in the cup…apparently the pen had leaked and the q-tips absorbed the ink. Viola mystery solved she was putting ink in her ear…no injury…though she was truly embarrassed

Doctor Dumb Ass

Technorati Tags: doctor dumb

My dad who hates the medical field finally goes to a doctor gets a diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis.   So they send him to a specialist.  Who can only get him in 2 weeks later, not a problem.  The doctor had all of his files, films and even his daily diary of what issues he has had each day for a month.  He goes to the Doctors appointment and meet with the MS specialist.  He tells him that he doesn’t think he has MS, great news right?  So my dad asks him why do you say this?  Well no one at your age usually gets diagnosis this late in life.  So my dad asks him what about my scans and the problems I have been having.  The doctor says oh I haven’t looked at it yet.  I am going on vacation and we will me a month from now.  So another words there is no definite that he doesn’t have MS.  So he is going to tell him this without reviewing a damn thing and make him wait a month?  What kind of prick does this?  First of my dad never goes to the doctors it took the whole family including grandkids to get him to go.  I could just kicked this guy’s ass for this.  Its hard enough to get my dad to trust the medical system.  So my dad asks well do I still take the MS medicine?  The doctor told him yea just in case to keep you from getting further brain damage.  Umm what kind of damage is it doing if he doesn’t have MS you prick?  Plus we can already look back in his last 5 yrs where has show some signs of issues.  He just never went to the doctors!!! GRRRRR I wish I lived closer I would give that doctor a piece of my mind.  I wish that doctors got paid by the way they treat their patients too..

Bad night, bad shift

 
Ugh I hate being the small fish in the big pond.  Yes I know as a nurse you have to start at the bottom and crawl your way back up the ladder.  Oh what fun.  So this fill in shift shit sucks.  I work days, then nights, then mid shift…grrr….then i am on one rotation then another.  I might work  2 weekends in a row then off one.  Then the crazy work a day off a day work 2 days off a day.  By the time I get my chores done and all my errand run I feel like I got no day off.
Worse is the difference in the two rotations.  One has all the help and works great at helping each other out.  The other is short and has a couple of lazy people who won’t get off their ass to help no one.  Even to the point of us helping them to catch up when they’re behind.  Well not a problem, but instead of sitting on your ass while I am doing your job to help you could you please help me when my patients need something ?  That’s only courtesy.
Worse thing was the day on the lazy short shift we had 5 critical patients come in.  Who got one? Me the new grad, the one that still figuring out what we do first.  I had new meds, new drips I didn’t know how to do.  Couldn’t find anyone that could help.  Got fussed on by the doctor because I wasn’t doing it in her order even though I was told by another nurse what I was suppose to do first.  Then didn’t deliver meds fast enough.  I don’t give a ferret’s anus what that Dr.. wanted but I wasn’t about to hang Cardizem without some instruction.  I love the lazy one that was overwhelm too that said I am too busy I have my own critical patients. Thanks…  I was so terrified to give that digoxin since the BP was  88/60.  I sure as hell couldn’t talk to the doctor, not that i didn’t try. She could give a rats ass if I was a new grad.  This is why when your technically on orientation one should not be left alone with no help or ask questions to.  Its not the staffs fault its the one that schedules it.

New Grad news

Work has been aggravating and educational.  I was doing so well sticking people (IV’s) and the last 3 days I suck…just could not get a line in anyone.  I would try twice and have to get someone else to get the stupid IV in..grr.  I felt pretty stupid and bad for having to bother someone else to do my job.  So I mentioned that to one of my coworkers.  I don’t know if I just messing up the technique or just getting bum veins.  So the next thing I know every time someone needed to be stuck I got volunteered.  Which was great because then I was doing better.  YEA!  Next cool thing I got out of work late.  Why is that great?  I got to do my first NG tube.  For those not familiar with what that is its a tube that goes down your nose.  I did great.  The nurse that was training me on it said I did a fantastic job.  I was so proud of myself.  I love my job everyone really likes helping out the new grads.  Unlike some places where they eat the young for dinner.  I really got lucky.. 

Shot of Reality: Drugs, Dogs and Docs

I just love it when your a new nurse and a doctor gets to fuss at you cause you can’t do stuff fast enough.  Some of the nurses I work with baby the doctors by putting in their orders and setting up their sterile field.  That’s great if your fast at your job and have all the time in the world. I got fussed at by doctor cause I didn’t get blood fast enough from a pt.  She already came in with a line.  I was trying to get her nitro in her because she was having major chest pains.  I tried to stick her twice and I don’t stick more than twice.  I couldn’t get someone to help me stick her at that moment, so I worked on her meds and some other items. I can’t help it that I couldn’t get a line in her.  Plus saying well just try to stick a line in her.   Hello what the hell does” I have stuck her twice” don’t you understand? Duh
Hot dag! Finally a doctor stood up to a drug user.  The doctor ordered a dose of Toradol, not a narcotic for those nonmed people.  The patient threw a fit and said I can’t take that it gives me a headache all I can take is dilaudid (narcotic).  So I told the doctor.  Instead of getting her toradol she ended up with a 800mg Motrin…you should have seen her face it was priceless.  Then she started saying that the doctor never looked at her leg and her back hurt and she felt like she was going to throw up.  She said the doctor was a quack and she wanted another one.  So I told the doctor and she went in and said what is wrong with her leg.  And she points to this knot in her leg and a big purple and yellow and green bruise.  You never looked at my leg and I am in so much pain.  Ma’am your records show you were here 3 days ago for you leg.  That is an old bruise and you can plainly see that by the color that it is. Well your a quack she told the doctor.  The doc just told her that they will no longer be treating her long term pain problem.  That she must go see her general practitioner.  Well the doctor left and I was discharging her and she said she wanted to see some other dr.  So since I didn’t know what to do I talked to another nurse.  She told me to tell her she would have to check in again and there was a good chance she would end up with the same dr.  She told me she refuse to leave…I had to get security to escort her out…sheesh
Next I had a inmate that was being treated for a dog bite…apparently he wouldn’t listen to the guard was sprayed with pepper spray still wouldn’t stop and they had to sick the dog on him…what is with people…
One of the first things you learn as a nurse is never assume your patients know what they are doing or understand instructions.  Like make sure you tell a patient to take the pills by mouth or by ass…depending on what it is.  What I didn’t know was I had to tell them how to put on a hospital gown.  Ask the patient to slip into a gown.  I come in and she is fully clothed with the gown over the clothes…umm duh.

duh huh

After a long shift in the ER all I wanted to do was go home.  Of course this was the time that the sky decided to unzip and let the torrential down pour to start.  I was standing there hoping that it would slow down just a tad.  Another employee was outside waiting out the rain to get to her car.  She said “ I can’t wait forever I have an hour drive home guess I’ll have to run for it.  Then at that moment the lights went out leaving us in pitch black and the sound of tons of rain beating down on the overhang.  Freaking great now I can’t even see my car to know which way to run.  I wasn’t sure if I was parked on the right or left.  I did know that I wasn’t able to find a parking spot close and had to park in the back lot.  Well I was like her I got to get home I have an early shift in the am and I worked a late one this evening.  So we decided to made a run for it…while running I must have hit every puddle.  My nursing shoes were soaked and squishy.  I was darting hoping to miss the hidden deep puddles.  No luck.  I had to stop and try to make out my car in the pitch black night.  Finally spotting mine the furthest away i made a bee line to it.   By the time I got to my car I wouldn’t need to take a shower because there wasn’t a dry stitch of clothing on me. I looked like a drowned rat.  I was trying to get my cell phone out to assess the damage.  It was wet of course but still working.  My glasses were fogged up and wet.  I didn’t have a single napkin in the car.  I headed home and the ground was so heavy with rain that the road had about 4 or more inches of rain on it.  My car belts squeaked as they got wet.  So no glasses, wet to the bone, flooding on the road I had to drive 5 miles and hour.  This of course pissed of the driver behind me.  Which decided to ride my ass so close I couldn’t see his headlights anymore.  I really wanted to slam my breaks on.  I hate jerks like that.  So  I decided to swing by Mcdee and get me a late supper and sweet tea and hope the rain would let up. By the time I got through the long drive through line the rain had died down. 
The fries were nice and hot and I expected my tea to be cold.  Nope it was hot and gross..which then proceeded me to choke on my so called “ ice” tea.  Since you have no control of choking I spewed tea all over my steering wheel all over my arms and my already drenched uniform.  I couldn’t stop coughing.  Here I am driving down the interstate trying not to wreck.  Hmm sorry officer I didn’t mean to wreck but McDee tea was choking me and it caused me to wreck.  Hmm I can see the lawsuit case already…so if your drinking your “ice” tea and it has a warning “ice” tea might be warm and not cold be careful may cause choking.  Then I won my case…lol

how not to kill yourself/ your not dying

 

1. Do not eat an entire pill container in front of your wife. She will call 911 and you will be in the ER.
2. Do not call your wife on the cell from exit 66 and say you are going to kill yourself.  The police will pick you up and take you to the ER.
3. Do not pretend to have a heart attack to avoid getting caught by your wife while you are with your girlfriend. You will be in the ER and will be diagnosed with Anxiety related to stupidity
4. Do not slice up and down your arm for the hell of it because it relieves the pain. 
5. Taking and overdose of some over the counter drugs doesn’t do much but upset your stomach.
6. Clutching the wrong side of your chest and saying your having a heart attack.
7. Diagnosing yourself and trying to tell the nurse well I know its my kidneys cause they hurt.  I drank a whole gallon of cranberry juice.  When all the pain is directly at your stomach.
8. If there is no broken skin you most likely don’t have a splinter in your ass.
9. Coming into the ER because your dying and have never been in this kind of pain all you really need is an enema and a really big fart.
10. Ambulance rides don’t necessarily mean your dying.  They are required to take you if you call.  Regardless if its for nausea and vomiting or a true emergency.  So do us a favor and save a life…don’t call the EMS unless its a true emergency.  Don’t fill our ER with your trivial runny noses and bull shit thanks.